


Welcome to the Umbrella Academy

by Lady_Spork



Series: The Real Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys [1]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance, Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Crossover, Drama, F/M, Horror, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-12 17:50:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4488981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Spork/pseuds/Lady_Spork
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Samara Winters is accepted to an elite private school, she knew it would change her life. What she didn't know is that she and her friends would change the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Brain Named Sam

**Author's Note:**

> Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. ...live in the question.

When I was a young girl, my father took me into the city to see a marching band. He said, “Sam when you grow up, you will be among them. The brilliant and the gifted.” I could see tears shimmering in his eyes. “ Will you defeat them, the naysayers, all the non believers? For all the plans that I have made? Because one day, you’ll leave us, to join the Umbrella Academy.” I watched the band march by, their red and black uniforms somehow ominous in the summer sun.

 

That was the last significant time I spent with my father. He became a man obsessed. Every hour that he wasn’t sleeping was spent working. He worked three steady jobs and took on whatever extra day labor he could. Everything in our house was rationed beyond the government requirements. Not a penny spent without three good reasons for its expenditure. Then when my youngest sister started kindergarten, he sent my mother to work too. All in the name of me getting the very best education.

As the years past, my mother and siblings began to resent and then despise me. As unfair as I saw it, I didn’t really blame them. What hurt me was their inability to see that I was as much a victim of his obsession as they were. My mother saw only that she had to work forty plus hours a week. She didn’t see that I was forced to study at least 50 hours a week. My sisters saw only the lack of fashionable clothes. They didn’t see my lack of anything remotely normal. The walls of their room were covered in posters of their favorite bands and movie stars. I was allowed only one, an inspirational poster. Eat Healthy, Study Hard, Exercise Daily, Sleep 8 Hours. I hated that poster. While they spent nights at friends’ houses and lamented not being able to try out for cheerleading, I didn’t have a single friend and was forced to join the track team. 

Everything about my life was carefully monitored by my father to give me the very best advantage. I was enrolled in an advanced online school, and allowed, or rather forced to participate in sports at the local high school. I listened to textbooks on tape while at track practice and while sleeping. Every meal was planned not with my tastes in mind but with careful consideration as to what a growing girl’s body needed and what was important for the budding mind of a genius. I was fed carefully chosen news stories to keep me up on current events. These articles always avoided the big issues, massive power outages, starvation, and deprivation. All things that happened outside the confines of Battery City. Inside, things were strictly controlled but we had enough.  
I was allowed only one day off a year, my birthday. My ‘parties’ were dismal affairs. No friends to celebrate with, a family that despised me, and no interests outside of academia. Instead of clothes and toys, I was given the latest editions of textbooks, language learning CDs and calculus software. 

By the time I was twelve, I spoke seven languages and had passed all the high school level courses that my school would let me take. Before I turned thirteen, my father died. My life continued on as before. Strict instructions were left with my mother, and she followed them with abusive zeal, punishing me for my father working himself to death. 

The day the black and red bus stopped in front of my house should have been a relief but something sinister seemed to stare back at me from the bus’ heavily tinted windows. I stepped aboard, trepidation dogging my steps. I looked back briefly towards my sullen faced mother and sisters. The unknown suddenly seemed better than the tiny world I knew.


	2. A Boy Named Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then, we met, and everything changed

I dropped into the first empty seat I came to, and slid all the way over to the window. Panic gripped me as my brain finally grasped the enormity of what I had done. I was fulfilling my father’s greatest dream, but I was also leaving behind everything I’d ever known. Stepping out completely alone. 

“It’s going to be okay.” A soft masculine voice murmured. “I promise.”  
The voice soothed me.  
“Mikey, I’ll be right there with you. Like always. Way brothers forever. Remember?:”  
I shook my head. Of course he wasn’t talking to me. I didn’t know anyone on this bus, but we always want to believe that which gives us the most comfort.  
I would be fine. I belonged here, at least my father thought I did. He worked so hard to get me into this school. I owed it to him, whether this place was my dream or not, to succeed in all I did. Fear and anxiety would not serve me. Reassured, I slid my earbuds into my ears and resumed my lessons in Mandarin Chinese. 

The bus came slowly to a stop in front of a giant fenced in compound. It was not the simple grouping of school building and dormitories I’d expected. It was a sprawling campus of high tech looking buildings, mansion like dormitories, all of it surrounded by athletic fields, and carefully tended though austere swaths of green. A tingle of excitement ran through me. Suddenly I could almost understand all the sacrifices made in the name of education that we’d endured. Gazing upon those buildings, I finally felt for the first time that I wasn’t a freak but someone important with something to contribute to the greater good of the world. 

My revelry and most of my good feelings were shattered when I was suddenly shoved forward.  
“Oops, sorry.” I turned to glare at a tall scrawny boy with thick Buddy Holly glasses. “No, really, I didn’t mean it. I-I tripped.” He extended his hand to me. “I’m Mikey Way.” He nodded towards a boy with stringy fake black hair standing next to him. “This is my brother Gerard.” I took his hand in mine and shook it politely. 

“I’m Samara Winters. Most people call me Sam.” Panic gripped me again. I’d run out of things to say already.

“I’m a first year, my brother’s a second. You’re a first year too right?” All I could do was nod dumbly. “Great, have you decided if you’re going to be a science, math, business, art, or general studies major?” I hadn’t thought of any of this. I didn’t actually know anything about the school other than it was the best of the very best. 

“I haven’t, but I’d have to say science. I’ve always been extremely interested in all things science, especially anything to do with medicine or biological engineering.” I could feel my cheeks burning. In the years since my father died, this was the most I’d said to another person. 

“Gerard’s a science major too. I’m leaning more towards art. I think I’ll do a year of general studies first, get a good feel for what my strengths are.” He continued to talk a purple cloud around us as we walked towards the entrance to a building marked Auditorium. I took the time to carefully observe his brother. Something about him made me feel deeply uneasy but in a terrifyingly good way. My stomach squirmed when he caught my eye and smiled at me. I looked away blushing furiously. 

We entered the huge auditorium. It could easily have seated a few thousand people. I stopped in my tracks, awestruck. Mikey laughed and grabbed my arm. “Come on, Sam. Lets grab seats near the front.” Without thinking, I jerked my arm from his grasp. 

“Sorry, I’m ummh not used to being touched.” I stammered. “I see someone over there that I know I should go talk to them.” I rushed off into the crowd. 

I stayed to the edges of the crowd until we were called to order then I took a seat in the back row. Alone in the darkened room, I could handle the future before me. I sank into the plush seat and listened to the administrator speak. Maps,handbooks, and housing assignments handed out. An odd tingling ran up my spine. I turned slightly and spotted Gerard sitting a few seats from me in the same row. He stood and slid into the seat next to me.  
“I’m not stalking you.” He smirked, “I’m your peer model.” He handed me a letter on school letterhead.

Mr. Way,  
We thank you for your interest in being a peer model. You have been assigned the following student:

Name: Samara Winters  
Gender: Female  
Age: 16  
Dormitory: King House  
Room: 1408

You will be reminded of the seriousness of this responsibility. You are expect to make at least bi-weekly meetings with your charge. Their academic standing, disciplinary failures, and accolades will all reflect on you and your future here at the academy.

I stared up at him stunned.  
“What exactly does this all mean?” I whispered.  
“It means that, I’m your new best friend.” He laughed. “Actually it’s more of a big brother kind of thing. It’s my job to make sure you settle in quickly, adjust well to your new surroundings, and that you don’t slack off on any of your school work.”

Big brother. “You signed up hoping you’d have Mikey assigned to you.” He nodded. “Sorry you got stuck with me.”

His face darkened. His smile disappeared. “Do you have some kind of problem with me and my brother?” 

“What? No, how could I?” 

“A lot of people here do. Scholarships and all that. But you know what, out of thousands of applicants, we both won scholarships.” His face was stormy.

“No way I could have known that.”

“You sat behind us on the bus. I saw your reflection in the window. You were listening to us the whole time.” Fear rushed through me as his glare swept my face. “All you rich kids are the same. You think because mommy and daddy bought your way in that you’re better than kids like my brother and I.”

“I was listening to language lessons on my IPod.” I turned to leave, glancing only once over my shoulder as I walked away. “And just so you know, my father worked himself to death, literally, to pay my tuition. If he’d known they gave out scholarships, maybe he’d still be alive today.” 

I blended quickly into the crowd lost among a sea of strangers. I thought I heard him call out but even if I’d been sure, I wouldn’t have turned around. That secret thrill I’d experienced upon meeting him had only gotten stronger despite the insults he’d hurled at me.


	3. A Friend Named Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Soon As I Saw You, I Knew An Adventure Was Going To Happen

The red glare of the setting sun gave the grounds and eerie blood soaked look. I shivered slightly as I walked, headed down staring at the map I’d been given earlier. The most direct room to my dorm took me past seven different buildings and the football field. It didn’t make sense to me that the dormitories should be so very far from the classrooms and labs. I contemplated various reasons for this unorthodox setup as I walked through the deepening twilight. I was so lost in my own thoughts that when a hand grasped my shoulder, I shrieked in surprise. 

“Easy, Sam it’s just me.”   
“Jesus, Mikey. You scared the hell out of me.” My heart was still beating a mile a minute. 

“Sorry, I called out to you but you didn’t hear me.” He shrugged.

“I was thinking, wondering really, why the dorms were so far away from all the classrooms. Sorry.”

“No worries. So what house are you in?” He asked, falling into step with me.

“King house. Room 1408.”

“I’m in King house too. Room 1122. Have you met your peer model yet?”

“I have actually. It’s ummh Gerard.” I stared down at my worn out sneakers. 

“That’s cool. I know he was hoping we’d be put together but he nags me enough as is. I don’t think I’d want him to be assigned to nag me.”

“So you’re not upset about it?”

“No. Why would I be?”

“I don’t know. He was. Upset, I mean. We...” I paused, thinking of the best way to explain. “We had words at the end of the meeting.”

“You argued with Gerard already? Wow, I’ve heard it usually takes people a whole month before they get pissed at their models. What started it?”

I sighed. How does one delicately tell someone that their brother is a jerk?

“He accused me of....” I trailed off again. It seemed so stupid, almost like tattling to complain to Mikey about his brother.

“What did he accuse you of? You’ve only just met.” 

“He accused me of having an issue with you and him because you guys are here on scholarship. I didn’t even know until he told me that this place gave scholarships. He said I was like all the other rich kids, that my parents had bought my place here.”

“That’s pretty harsh. Not like Gerard at all.” 

Now came the part that I was dreading. 

“It’s because I lied to you earlier. I think so at least. I don’t know anyone here. I went to sit by myself.” He looked a little hurt.

“Why?”

“When you touched my arm earlier, I don’t know, I’m just not used to being touched and it really freaked me out. It’s a long story but I wasn’t allowed to have friends when I was growing up and my family, they’re distant. We’re not close at all.” I paused to gauge his reaction. “Anyways that’s why I left. Gerard read the letter, and went looking for me. I apologized because he’s stuck with me, and he got really upset.”

“Gerard’s always been overprotective of me. We were picked on a lot in our old school. Guess he jumped to conclusions. Don’t worry it’ll blow over.”

“I’m still pretty upset about it, Mikey.” 

“All I’m saying is give him a chance. If he doesn’t apologize, I’ll punch him in the eye.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Why would you do that?” I asked. 

Mikey shrugged, “I dunno. I like you, you’re weird like me and us weirdos have to stick together.”

“Alright. I’ll cut him a break this time.” 

We’d reached King house. It loomed over us like a sleeping beast.

“Wow.” I murmured. 

“Wow is right.”

The dark colored Victorian mansion looked like something out of one of the horror movies I used to sneak out of bed to watch late at night. I expected to see a colony of bats fly out of an attic window.

“Well, I guess we should find our rooms.” My voice sounded shaky. 

“When you finish unpacking, want to wander the campus or something?” Mikey asked me, still not taking his eyes off of our new home.

“Yeah ummh sure.”

“Just dial my room number 1122 from the phone in your room.” He said as he left.

My room was on the fourth floor. I don’t know what I had been expecting but this room wasn’t it. It was more of a suite than a room. The main door opened into a sitting room fully equipped with a TV, sofa, recliner, and desk. Off of the right side of living room was a large bathroom with a claw footed tub and separate shower stall. Off to the left was a bedroom with a queen sized bed, dresser, nightstand and wardrobe. I sat down on the bed and quickly read through the packets they’d given us. Everything I could have wanted to know was answered inside. 

The school history was rather boring. The only thing of interest was that the school wasn’t as old as I’d expected. It had been formed in 1968 by Ozwell E. Spencer. I read the school rules, pretty standard stuff, except no dress code. I’d expected there to be uniforms or at least a strict dress code. Instead there was a simple statement that that clothing should be weather appropriate. As I read on I was amazed to find that almost all aspects of daily life were handled for us, to maximize the learning experience. Our rooms were cleaned, our meals prepared, our laundry done by Umbrella Academy staff. We were expected to spend our time learning or socializing. 

The last paper in the folder was a letter informing me that I was to meet my peer model at 6am the following morning to have my electronics issued to me and to have my class schedule drawn up. Classes would not begin until the day after schedules were issued. During that time we were to familiarize ourselves with the rules and procedures of the school, its grounds and our classmates. It was also noted that we were to have at least two free hours a day and that we may not use this time for anything academic. Too many schools, it stated, focused on study only and overlooked the importance of socialization, relaxation, and created adults that were maladjusted to the modern scientific and business communities. 

I stared in awe at the folder in front of me. Two hours a day to do nothing, or maybe, just maybe something fun. I didn’t know how to handle that. I hadn’t done anything that wasn’t related to education since I was three. Even being on the track team was just my father’s way of ensuring that I was getting daily exercise. 

The phone rang and I nearly fell off the bed in surprise. 

“Hello?” I answered, wondering who would be calling me.

“Hey, Sam. It’s Mikey. I finished unpacking and wondered if you were done yet. Gerard and I are going to go for a walk. I thought you should come too.” he paused. I didn’t really know what to say, “If you want to that is.”

“I’d love to but I haven’t even started unpacking yet. I read all the stuff in the folder first.” 

“That’s okay, we’ll come help you. See you in a minute.” He hung up and I stood there for a moment staring at the phone dumbfounded. The thought of near strangers touching my belongings terrified me and I sprang into action. I threw things into drawers as quickly as I could, not caring that they weren’t as neatly folded as I would have like. I threw my empty duffle bag in the bottom of the wardrobe just as I heard the knock on my door. 

“Coming.” I ran to the door and skidded to a halt. I stopped for a second to compose myself. Slowly I opened the door, as expect there stood Mikey and his brother.

“Hey guys. I’m all set to go.” I tried to edge out the door, but Mikey stopped me. “I wanna see if your room is as cool as mine.”  
I sighed and let him in. He wandered around looking at things and touching stuff while Gerard and I stood in the small entry way.   
“Everything put away neatly and in its proper place?” He sounded like my father.  
“In its place yes, neatly no. I was rushed.”   
“Mikey offered to help.” He sounded annoyed.  
“I don’t really like people touching my things.”  
“Or you.” He sounded almost sarcastic.  
“Or me, right. I’m weird. I know.”   
He looked like he wanted to say something else but Mikey interrupted him.  
“How come you don’t have anything personal in here?” Oh boy, how to answer that one. I guess truth is always the best policy.  
“I don’t have anything personal to put up.” I could hear the softening in my voice that usually signaled tears. I hastily cleared my throat to cover it.  
“No favorite band, movie star, pictures of family, a pet? Nothing?”  
I shrugged to hide how truly weird I felt.  
“Nope. TV, movies, music, pets not allowed. All pointless distractions. And like I said before, my family’s not close.”  
The look in his eyes, was it pity?  
“Well let’s get going. I want you guys to get a good look around.” Gerard said suddenly.

We walked over only about half the campus, Gerard leading us to what he thought were the most important sights. When we grew bored we sat in the stands around running track and watched Mikey attempt to jump some hurdles that had been left out.His attempts were very sad, but he kept trying. Bored, I leaned back and watched the stars twinkling down on me. So eternal, and yet I knew that most stars we see burned out a long time ago, their light just now reaching us like a message from the afterlife. I sighed, contented somehow by that thought.   
Gerard slid closer to me. 

“Happy sigh or sad sigh.” It was the same soft voice I’d heard on the bus. The I’m going to take care of you, everything will always be fine when you’re with me voice. I smiled at him.

“Happy sigh. I was thinking about the stars. Most of the stars we see burned out a long time ago. What we see is their light just now reaching earth. It’s reassuring. If a ball of burning gas can have an afterlife of sorts, than people can too, or at least they can leave a mark that speaks to generations to come.”   
We sat side by side touching from shoulder to elbow, and for once it didn’t scare me. It felt nice to have contact with another human being. 

“Tell me about your father.” he said gently.”You said he died. What was he like?”   
“He was, I don’t know how exactly to describe him, really. He became a man obsessed. I didn’t really see him much. Not after the parade.”

“Parade?” he asked, interested or confused, I wasn’t sure.

“When I was five he took me into the city. To see this big parade. The Umbrella Academy marches in it every year. That’s when he told me that I’d be going here. He told me, not like it was his dream, but like it was solid fact. Some day I’d leave home and come to this school. He was obsessed. See, he’d seen a fortune teller the same day that they put me through a battery of tests, IQ, psychological, cognitive, motor skills, the whole deal. She told him that his daughter was gifted and that his job was to nurture that gift and I’d save the world someday. When the results came back that I was a certified genius at the age of three, he became obsessed with doing everything he could to fulfill the prophesy. I don’t know how or when he found out about this school, but I remember he told me when I was five. He spent every waking moment working to afford this place. It killed him. He died of a heart attack on a construction site a few years ago.” 

I had no idea that I was crying until he reached up and wiped the tears from my cheeks.   
I don’t know who I was crying for, my father or myself.   
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier. It was wrong of me to judge you like that.”  
Our faces were mere inches apart.  
“I forgive you. You were just being protective of Mikey.”   
He leaned closer, I could feel his breath on my cheek. I turned to look him in the eyes.   
“Not really. I-”  
Mikey came bounding up the stands shouting his head off. We slid hastily away from each other. “Did you see me, Gerard? I finally did it!” He paused to look at his watch. “Oh crap! We have to go! It’s almost ten.”

We practically ran to King House. Whatever moment had passed between us, it was gone.


	4. A Big Brother Named Ray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.

My sleep that night was oddly troubled. I awoke this the distinct feeling that my dreams had been disturbing, but I couldn’t remember any of them. I dressed quickly in my usual all black clothes, another time saving method of my father’s, and ran to meet Gerard. He took me to the commissary where I was issued my electronics. A laptop, cell phone, and MP3 player all with tiny red and white logos in their corners, were handed to me. I was told a desktop would be set up in my room and all of my devices networked to the schools system. Gerard collected his and put them in his backpack, barely glancing at them. I was amazed at the amount of money these things had to have cost. These were not cheap knockoffs like my sisters had saved their babysitting money for. These were state of the art, expensive pieces of tech. Gerard took my cell phone from my hand and with a few taps on the screen, programmed in his numbers, then called his phone to get my number. 

“Now to the administrative office to set up your schedule. It shouldn’t take too long. I set up your appointment for six-thirty. That gives us just enough time to walk to the Ashford building. He left me outside a wooden door marked A. Wilson, Dean of Students. 

“I’ll be back in about thirty minutes.” he called as he walked out the main doors. My meeting with Mr. Wilson went quickly. My schedule was heavy on science, biology, chemistry, genetics. I had a few Math classes, English, history, and a class called Everyday Life. I was signed up for track team try outs. The only thing out of the ordinary that happened was when he handed me a credit card and told me to buy new clothes, and shoes in town. My name was already on it. I was told it had five hundred dollars, the usual quarterly allotment for academy students. I thanked him and shut the door quietly behind me.

I was so dazed that it took me a while to notice that Gerard had not returned. The only person in the hall was way a tall boy with a magnificent crop of curly brown hair and soft brown eyes. I was about to head back to my dorm when he spoke.

“You Sam?” I nodded. “I’m Ray. Gerard sent me to get you.”

“Is he okay?” I asked anxiously.  
“Oh, yeah he’s fine. He just had his own school stuff to handle and it took longer than he thought it would. So he sent me to make sure you got back okay.” Ray seemed really uneasy.   
“I’m not an infant. I found my dorm all by myself last night. I can find it again.”  
“Oh, yeah ummh Gerard wants you to check out the library first.”   
“Right, okay. Well let’s go then.” I shrugged. If Gerard thought I needed to see the library, I’d go see the library.  
“It’s right near the cafeteria. He’ll meet up with us there when he’s done.” Rays said as he held the door open for me. I exited into the bright sunlight feeling oddly giddy.  
As we walked along, Ray seemed to grow agitated.  
“Something the matter, Ray?”  
“No.” He stopped so suddenly that I almost walked right into him. ‘Yes actually. I know Gerard’s your model, but I have to say something. You shouldn’t just go off with any person you meet. I’m a stranger, and you’re just following me like a lost puppy. You have no idea who I am or if I even Gerard even sent me.”  
“Are you saying I shouldn’t trust you?” I asked a little afraid now.  
“No, I’m saying you have no reason to. You should have at least called Gerard to make sure he’d really sent me.” He leaned close to me and whispered in my ear. “The Umbrella Academy isn’t as safe as it seems.”  
“I’ll do better next time?” I stammered, not sure what he expected me to say.  
“Good. Now let’s go check out the library and we can meet Gerard and Mikey for Lunch.”

The rest of the trip was uneventful. Ray talked about his studies as an art major. He played guitar, classical, Spanish, and modern styles. He talked about music, his favorite bands and was shocked when I told him that my father had considered music a waste of time.   
“I’m going to have to tell Gerard to add music immersion to his list of things he needs to expose you too, besides stranger danger lessons. You’ve missed out big time.”

The library was as impressive as the rest of the school, but for once I wasn’t really interested. I startled me to realize that I was more interested in returning to my dorm and looking up the bands Ray had mention and asking Mikey and Gerard what their favorites were then perusing the shelves.   
“I’m starving. Let’s get something to eat.” I said quietly after only a few minutes. 

Outside Ray asked me what I’d thought of the library.   
“Impressive but books and learning have been my whole life. I think I’m ready for some fun too.”  
“Just don’t have too much fun. Stay away from the party kids. Every school’s got their bad element, this one’s no exception.”

The cafeteria was unlike any other I’d been in before. It hardly even looked like one. The cozy tables and ornate chairs reminded me of the sidewalk cafes I’d seen in old pictures of Paris. Well decorated and beautifully lit, cafeteria was the last word I’d use to describe it. Ray led me to what he called, the usual table. We’d barely sat down when a waiter in a red polo shirt and black dress pants came to the table and took our orders. I ordered for myself and Ray ordered for everyone else. Mike and Gerard arrived just as the waiter was setting the food down on the table. We ate quickly. When everyone had finished, I remembered what the Dean of Students had told me.  
“Hey Gerard, Mr. Wilson told me to go shopping.”  
Gerard nodded.  
“I ummh don’t know how to go about it.”  
Ray frowned. Mikey laughed, but Gerard glared at him and he stopped.  
“I’ll take you later. I’ll sign out one of the school vehicles, and we’ll head into town.”

We headed back to our dorms. Opening the door to my room and stepping inside gave me the weirdest feeling. It didn’t feel foreign anymore. It seemed like for the first time, I belonged somewhere. I was finally coming home. 

I put my new laptop and mp3 player on the desk and left a note to myself with the list of bands I wanted to look up later tonight. I made sure the credit card and my new cell phone were in my pocket, then realized that I wasn’t sure when exactly I was supposed to be ready for. He’d never said exactly what time we were going. My phone rang and I laughed out loud. Of course, I should call him!  
“Hello?”  
“Hey Sam, it’s Gerard. I was wondering when you wanted to leave.”   
“I’m ready to go when you are”  
“Meet me on the front steps of King house in thirty minutes.”   
“Sure.” I looked around the room, searching for something to do. My laptop caught my eye, so I sat down at the desk and slid my headphones into my ears. I searched the Internet for all the bands Ray had mentioned. I made notes of the ones I like and the ones I didn’t. My favorites were highlighted. A little more searching and I found a program that I could use to buy the music I wanted. I quickly filled the new mp3 player I was given. I checked the clock, I still had a few minutes before I had to head downstairs. I flopped down on the couch intent on listening to the music I’d found. 

Lost in the music, my eyes drifted shut. One song, two song, a strange feeling like being watched. Slowly I opened my eyes. A dark figure loomed over me and I screamed.  
“Easy, Sam, it’s just me!”  
I screamed again as the figure leaned over me. I yanked the headphones out of my ears.  
“Sam, it’s Gerard, relax!”  
“S-sorry. I was listening to music. I-I must have....What are you doing here?”  
“You were supposed to meet me downstairs three hours ago. When you didn’t show, I got worried. I knocked. You didn’t answer. It wasn’t locked so I came in to check on you.”  
“Sorry. I lost track of time.”  
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Sorry I scared you. I called out to you but you didn’t hear me. I was trying to get your attention without scaring you. I guess I failed.”   
“Do we still have time to go?” I asked sheepishly.  
“No, but let’s get dinner. We can go later in the week.”  
“Okayl. Oh, is Mikey coming with us?” I’d assumed it’d always be the three of us.  
“He left a while ago to catch a concert in town with Ray. It’s just the two of us tonight.”  
I nodded.  
We walked in silence to the cafeteria. It was practically deserted. As soon as we sat down, a waiter appeared, and took our orders.   
“Isn’t it creepy how they just appear like that?” I whispered to him.   
“I’m not a big fan, myself. They’re all so quiet and efficient. They almost make me wish this was my last year here. The cleaning crew is even worse. I’ve never seen them. Never.”  
“So, when do they clean? Like when we’re in classes?” I was really starting to scare myself.  
“I guess, but you never see them coming or going. Last year, I got really sick. Food poisoning. My room was cleaned everyday, and I never heard anyone come or go. I actually sat in the hallway one of the last days before I returned to classes, just to see if I’d spot a maid with a cart, like in a hotel. I never saw a damned thing.”  
“Okay, let’s talk about something else. It’s only my second day here and I already want to sleep with the lights on.” I laughed nervously.  
“You’re right.” He shook his head and smiled at me. “So where do you like to shop?”  
Tough question. I’d never actually been shopping before. Honesty is always the best policy.  
“My mom always did all my shopping for me. I don’t think I’ve ever been.”  
“You’ve never picked out your own clothes?” He seemed shocked.  
“Nope. Not even the colors.” I looked down at my all black attire. “When I was about nine, my mother decided, as revenge against my father, no doubt, that since she had to work, we had to do our own laundry. That’s when my dad got the brilliant idea to save me time by getting me all black clothes. They don’t show dirt as quickly so I could wear them more than once and only have to do laundry once every two weeks.”  
Gerard’s nose crinkled in distaste.   
“Yeah, I know. It’s gross.” I sighed.  
“Very. But here you won’t have to worry about that. So you can just pick whatever you want.”  
“How will I know what looks good on me? I’m not good at that sort of thing. I had these black yoga pants, they were my favorite until one day my sister pointed out that they make my butt look huge. I don’t think of things like that usually, but now that it’s on my mind, nothing will look good.” 

I knew I was fretting and being tiresome. I was sure that the last thing he wanted to do was take a girl shopping. It was his job though.

“Don’t worry about it. I promise to tell you if your butt looks huge.” He laughed and I laughed along with him. I was being so silly.

“Thanks. I just wanna....” I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted.

“I know. We all do.” He patted my shoulder and we headed off towards the rows of stores.

We talked for a long time. I remembered to ask about his favorite music. The conversation eventually lead to movies and books. Gerard was shocked that outside of a few surreptitiously viewed horror movies, I hadn’t seen much in the way of films. He made a list of movies that I had to see. 

“You ready to go back to the school?” Gerard asked.   
“No, I think I’m going to wander around a bit.”   
“I’ll go with you. It’s not safe to go alone.” 

We talked more. He told me about the rest of his family, who lived in poverty on the very edges of Battery City. His home life fascinated me. It was the exact opposite of my own. I reluctantly answered his questions when he asked me more about my family. 

“That’s all over now. You don’t have to live like that anymore.”   
“It’s just so hard.” I could feel hot tears course down my cheeks. “It’s all I’ve ever known. At first the changes were fun, like I was being rebellious or something. But looking at it now. It’s too much. I don’t think I can do it. I’m so far from normal, I don’t think I can even get close.”  
“Normal’s overrated. I like you just the way you are. Don’t worry about it. I’ll teach you everything you need to know.”  
I tried to thank him, but it was just too much to get past the lump in my throat. He hugged me tight as I cried.   
“We’ll do this together. Us against the world.” He whispered against my hair.


	5. A Lab Partner Named Frankie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unless i'm reading an assignment or doing a paper or taking a test, I'm thinking about you.

The rest of our night together was very quiet. Gerard walked me to my room. We lingered outside my door neither of wanting or knowing how to say goodnight. I surprised both of us by kissing him on the cheek before slipping into my room and locking the door behind me. I leaned back against the door and giggled. Something seemed so right in my life. Like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle suddenly found and dropped into place. I grinned all through getting ready to bed. I drifted off to sleep with a happy sigh.

Classes started first thing in the morning, and continued uneventfully for about two weeks until one day I walked into Biology class and someone was sitting in the empty seat next to mine. It was hard to tell if the mass of sweatshirt next to me was male or female, but they were obviously asleep.  
The teacher began discussing an upcoming project I tried to listen to her, but the person seated next to me let out intermittent snores. I tried very hard to not giggle. It seemed so silly to me to be sleeping in class. Again and again I refocused my attention just to have it interrupted. Finally, I reached over and poked at the sweatshirt next to me. The person jumped up.   
“I wasn’t sleeping.” He yelled.  
“Mr. Iero. Kindly keep such outbursts to your private time.”  
The boy blushed and sat back down.  
“Sorry.” I whispered. “You were snoring.”  
He mumbled something incoherent and fell back to sleep. I tried to tune out his snores and listen to the teacher but all I managed to catch was that our lab partners were assigned based on who we’d sat with today.  
“Great. I end up with the sleeping wonder.” I grumbled.   
“Better than the poking bitch.”  
I glared at him. How dare he. He was the one slacking off.   
“Feel free to ask for a new partner. The last thing I need is to do your work as well as mine.” I whispered.   
“Nah, too much trouble to bother.”   
I don’t think I’d ever met a more lazy person.  
“I don’t usually sleep during class. Just so you know. I was in the hospital for a few weeks. Started late, took them forever to sort out my schedule, playing catch up has me feeling totally wiped out.”  
“Oh.” That was all I could say. I wasn’t sure if he was making excuses, explaining himself, or trying to have a friendly conversation.  
“And then last night, it went to a concert. It was epic. Band called Ray Gun Jones. It’s a bunch of art majors from school.”  
“Oh so that’s why I’ve never heard of them.”  
“Well they are internationally famous. They used to go to this school. They’ve all graduated now.”  
My cheeks burned. “Oh. I’m kinda new to the whole music thing.”  
“You’re a little weird. You know that?” My cheeks burned even hotter. “But I like you.”  
“Thanks. I ummh well I’m not totally sure I like you. I don’t know how to take you.”  
“With a grain of salt, about half of what I say is random crap, totally not serious. I’m Frank by the way.”  
“My name’s Sam, and I’m always serious.” I said without thinking. Class had ended and everyone was filing out into the hallway.   
He put his arm around my shoulders as we walked. “We’re just going to have to fix that. Now aren’t we?” We laughed and headed to our next class, his arm still around my shoulders. He peppered our walk with witty critiques of people’s clothing and finishing random bits of other people’s conversations we heard as we passed. Frank kept me so distracted that I didn’t notice his arm around my shoulders or how close he was to me. It seemed natural for us to be like this. 

Soon it was lunch time and we headed across the grounds towards the cafeteria. I was so involved in joking around with Frank that I didn’t hear Mikey call my name until he was standing next to me.   
“SAM! Earth to Sam,” I jumped.   
“Sorry Mikey. This is my lab partner, Frank. Frank this is my friend Mikey.” The boys nodded at each other.   
“Gerard and I wanted to know if you wanted to have lunch with us. He called your name but you walked right by.”  
In the weeks since classes had started, it had become our habit that the four of us ate all of our meals together. We all did most things together when we could, but Gerard and I spent the most time together. He said it was good for me to learn things, social things, just the two of us.   
“I didn’t hear him.” I looked around for Gerard. “Where is he?”  
Mikey looked around and shrugged. “Don’t know. He was right behind me. I guess he wandered off. I’ll text him and have him meet us in the cafeteria. That is were you two ‘lab partners’ were headed right?”  
“Yeah. You seem annoyed. Is something wrong?” I was confused why he seemed to sarcastic.   
“Listen, Sam, I’ll meet you inside.” Frank wandered off by himself.  
“Yeah, I’m annoyed. You totally blew us off back there.”  
“I’m sorry, Mikey. I really didn’t hear you guys. I wasn’t ignoring you guys on purpose.”  
Mikey sighed. “I know that. I don’t think Gerard did though.”   
“I’ll call him. Can you tell Frank I’ll be there in a few minutes?” Mikey scowled. “Come on he’s a nice guy.”  
“What do you know about guys?”  
I laughed. “I’m smart enough to keep you and Ray around aren’t I?”   
“Fine, fine. But you owe me.” He walked off and I rummaged through my bag for my phone.  
It rang twice and went to voice mail. “Odd.” I dialed his number again. It rang three times and went to voice mail. “Well it rang one more time that time.” I dialed his number again.  
“Don’t you know what it means to be bitch buttoned?” Gerard snapped.  
“No, I ummh don’t. I just wanted to ummh tell you that I didn’t hear you call out to me. Sorry. And ummh if you still want to have lunch I’ll ummh be in the cafeteria.”   
“Whatever.” And he hung up. I stared at my phone in disbelief. What had just happened?

I found Mikey and Frank at a table in the back corner of the cafeteria, Ray had joined them and they were all laughing at something Frank had said.

“I know, right.” Frank stopped laughing. “Sam, what’s wrong?”  
“What does it mean to be bitch buttoned?” I asked, taking a seat next to Ray.  
“Why?” Mikey asked looking concerned.  
“Just answer the question.”  
Ray answered, “It’s when someone hits the ignore button when you call them. It sends you directly to voicemail. It means they don’t want to talk to you. Why?  
“Gerard bitch buttoned me.” I realized I’d just said bitch twice and blushed. “Twice, the third time I called him he answered and yelled at me.”   
“Who’s Gerard?” Frankie asked.  
“My Brother.”  
“My best friend.”  
“My peer model.” We all spoke at the same time.   
“He sounds like a real asshole. No offense. But where the hell does he get off yelling at Sammie.”  
“None taken.” We all answered.  
“I think I know what this is all about.” Mikey grimaced. “It’s a little quicker than he usually moves, but I think he likes Sam.”  
“I like him too.” The boys stared at me like I had two heads. “I mean he’s been a really good friend to me.” They kept staring. “What?”  
“He means like in the love sense dummy.” Frank whispered. “Or at least the sexual sense.”  
“Don’t call me dummy, Frank.” I blushed again, “He doesn’t like me like that. Don’t be stupid. I’m younger than him, and I’m not his type, and, and we just met.”   
Gerard and I had talked about dating, well we’d talked about the girls he’d dated. He even pointed out a few around school. He definitely had a type. They were all really beautiful, wore makeup and outfits, had what could actually be called a hairstyle, basically the exact opposite of me.   
“Wow for someone supposedly so smart, you’re pretty slow.” Frank laughed.  
“Don’t laugh at me.” It came out in a whisper.  
“Easy, Sam.” Frank reached across the table and took my hand in his. “I’m not trying to be mean.”  
“I just-” A shadow crossed the table and I turned in my seat. Gerard stood behind me.  
“This seat taken or can anyone join you.” He sounded cheerful but he looked kind of angry.  
“Have a seat.” Frank said, kicking the chair across from him so it shot out from under the table.  
Gerard glared at him but sat down next to me.   
“So what’d I miss?” He asked casually.   
“Nothing.” We all snapped.   
“Doesn’t look like nothing.” He nodded at where mine and Frank’s hands were still joined on the table top. I eased my hand out of Frank’s.  
“Gerard, this is my lab partner, Frank. Frank this is my peer model Gerard.” They glared at each other.   
For several seconds no one spoke. We looked around the table awkwardly. The tension was palpable. 

“So ummh, Ray, how were your classes today?” I asked randomly. I chose badly. Ray had just taken a bite of his sandwich. “Sorry,” I mumbled. Sitting here was getting to be really uncomfortable.

“So, what are you guys doing with your free hours today?” Mikey asked.  
I had forgotten that we were supposed to take at least two hours a day for ourselves,and I hadn’t been. Not really anyways, my time with Gerard was like a different type of class, no matter how often my stomach may have gone fluttery when we hung out. 

I shrugged, as did Ray and Gerard.   
“I think I’m going to head into town and catch a movie.” Frank said. “You want to come with me, Sam?”  
I could feel Gerard tense. I wanted to go, but I didn’t want to upset Gerard either.  
“That’d be great. Why don’t we all go?”   
Gerard glared at me, while Mikey and Ray agreed quickly. "You don't have to come if you're busy.”   
Gerard didn’t answer. “So what’s playing?” I asked Frank.  
“There’s a horror movie feature. They’re showing three of the goriest movies ever, back to back.”   
“I love horror movies!” I’d forgotten I was trying to sound casual. “They terrify me. I used to sneak out of bed at night to watch them after everyone was asleep. They gave me nightmares and my father figured out what I was doing and I had to stop.”  
“Well feel free to hide in my pocket.” Frankie joked.  
“I’m coming.” Gerard said firmly but quietly. The guys stared at him. “Sam’s not well adjusted, socially. I have to look out for her. It’s my job.” Mikey and Ray gaped at him. Frank looked like he was about to say something rude.  
“Thanks, Gerard. Glad to know you always do your chores.” I pushed back from the table and left the cafeteria. 

I walked as fast as I could towards my next class. I’d never been so furious in my life. My phone rang several times, but I didn’t feel like answering it. I waited outside my English class, and it continued to ring, flaring my anger to new heights. I wrenched the phone from my pocket and checked the ID. It was Gerard, with out thinking, I hit the ignore button. Seconds later it rang again, Gerard again. I hit ignore again and sent him a text. How’s it feel to be the one being bitch buttoned?’ I sent the text and turned my phone off. I slid it back into my pocket feeling deliciously rebellious. English class was interesting enough to be distracting. I’d almost forgotten my anger until Mikey slid into a seat next me in my History class.   
“He feels bad.” He whispered while the last stragglers found their seats.  
“So do I, Mikey.”  
“You’ve got to understand. He’s just intense. It’s always been that way with him.”   
“I don’t have to understand anything, but I will tell you what I do get.” I paused as the teacher neared us. He dropped a novel on my desk and continued down the row. “Being around him is like what I imagine being on a roller coaster is like. It’s up really high, then plummet back down. I don’t think that’s how I want to live my life no matter how many butterflies I get in my stomach when I’m around him.”  
The teacher was back at the head of the class now and began lecturing on his expectations for the class.  
“Butterflies?” Mikey snickered.  
“Shut up. Besides he betrayed me. Why should I forgive him for that?” The teacher cleared his throat and I turned my attention back to him. I made it a point not to look at Mikey for the rest of class. I practically ran from the room when the bell rang. But fate was against me. Mikey slid into the seat next to me in my math class.   
“I don’t think he meant to tell everyone you’re socially awkward. I think he needed an excuse and just said whatever popped into his head.”  
“That doesn’t make it right. You may as well have said, they’re going to find out anyways. They just have to spend enough time with you.” The teacher called the class to order and I again refused to look in Mikey’s direction. That was when I noticed Frank a few seats over sleeping across the top of his desk. It made me smile. Frank was, well, weird. But there was something I liked about him. He had all the energy of a slug today but had jumped to my defense like a knight in shining armor. 

The final bell rang and I pelted from the classroom. I had Track and Field tryouts before I could think of anything else. I had just enough time to run to my room, change and make it to the field.   
“Sam! Hey Sam, wait up!”  
I stopped mid stride. Gerard caught up to me on the step of my dorm.  
“What?” I snapped.  
“I wanted to apologize.”  
“I literally don’t have time to talk to you right now. Track tryouts and I have to go.” I sprinted away. I refused to look back. 

I changed quickly and sprinted out the door, across the ground. I made it to the track just as the coach was blowing his whistle, calling everyone in for warm ups. Running cleared my mind. I tried out for the high jump and shot put with razor sharp focus. My last event was the 400 meter hurdles. The whistle blew and I quickly shot into the lead. I made it to the last hurdle, still far in the lead when I heard cheering from the stands. 

“Go, Sam, Go!” They shouted. My concentration broke and my foot struck the last hurdle. I was thrown to the ground. Angry but determined. I ran the last few feet to the finish. The coach came up to me. “Good job, Winters. Go see the team doctor and get that leg seen too.”  
That was when I felt the foot long abrasion that ran down my leg and was oozing blood into my shoe.  
“Thanks Coach.” I mumbled as I limped to the bench. The team doctor started cleaning my leg as the guys came over to see me.  
“Sorry, Sam.” Mikey said. “You were awesome though.”  
“No worries. You just startled me is all. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the stands.”  
Something cold that stung was sprayed on my leg and I yelped.  
“Sorry, first aid spray. It’ll heal quickly now.” The doctor and he left.   
“You should have told us you were trying out today. Then you would have known we’d be here.” Ray chided.  
“I didn’t think it was a big deal.”   
“Everyone needs a cheering section.” it was the soft soothing big brother voice again.  
“You told them, Gerard.”  
“Yeah, I figured after what happened at lunch it was the least I could do.”   
“He still owes you though.” Frank put in. “We decided he was a total asshole and doesn’t deserve for you to be his friend. But the rest of us will let it slide unless you decide you want us to beat him up for you.”   
“Thanks but if I want anyone beaten I’ll do it myself.” I laughed. “We all still going to the movie tonight. I don’t have any homework or anything to study, so I was thinking we could leave early and have a late dinner after the show.”  
Everyone agreed. We decided to meet up in the parking lot. Mikey, Frank and I headed back to King House to shower and change.

I showered quickly and as I was drying I noticed that the scrape on my leg was just about gone. “It must not have been as bad as it looked.” I shrugged it off and got dressed.   
I pushed open the front door and stepped into the late afternoon sun.   
“Hey Sam, wait up!” Frank called from behind me. “I’ve been following you since you left your room. You’re too fast for me.”   
“I thought I’d be the last one there. I took longer in the shower than I usually do, and I need to organize my drawers. I just kind of threw stuff in there and I can’t find anything.” I didn’t want to tell him that my clothing situation was still dismal. It was then that I remembered we’d never taken that shopping trip Gerard had promised me.   
“I fell asleep. Then I had to rush to change clothes. I didn’t have time to shower.”  
“You can sit by yourself then Frank.” I laughed.   
“Nope, I’m sitting right next to you. You smell good enough for the both of us.”  
“That’s, well, pretty weird Frank.” 

We met up with the others in the parking lot, they were already in the school car waiting for us. I slid in first next to Gerard then Frank hopped in next to me. I was glad the ride into town was fairly short. Being sandwiched between Gerard and Frankie made me feel really uncomfortable. They seemed to have settled their differences and they chatted amicably enough, but it still felt really weird.   
When we arrived, Ray instructed the driver of our plans. We waited in line to get our tickets, and then snacks. The boys laughed and joked as we filed into the theater. I was so anxious about my first time in a theater that we were seated and the lights dimmed before I realized that I was again sandwiched between Frank and Gerard. I ignored the weird feelings during the previews. The first movie started and within minutes I was totally entranced. The movie started fairly slowly with a few scenes that slowly built up tension, but didn’t lead to anything. Then came the blood. I winced at first but at the movie got gorier, I hid more and more of my face. I was squished up in my seat, hands over my face, peeking between my fingers at the screen. A warm arm slid over my shoulders, pulling me close. My hands were gently pried off my face and my fingers softly threaded through theirs. A flash of a knife blade on the screen and my face was buried in their shoulder. I was literally whimpering by the end, cowering but loving every minute of it. I relaxed through the credits, never taking my head off of his shoulder. In his arms I felt totally safe. His energy calmed me, not the pseudo fear from the movie, but the deep turmoil that permeated my soul. I screamed and hid through the next two movies. The credits ran for the final time. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to be the one to break the sweet spell wrapped around us. His hands cupped my cheeks and soft lips were pressed against mine in a kiss so sweet I wanted to cry.   
The lights came up in the theater and I was staring into the most beautiful hazel-green eyes. Frank took my hand and led me from the theater.


	6. These Lies We Tell Ourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Denial is the worst kind of lie because it's a lie you tell yourself

After the movie we headed to a pizza place that Gerard said was really good. Frankie and I sat together again, we didn’t hold hands or kiss again, but Mikey gave us a few questioning looks. I shrugged at him. Gerard was quiet during dinner. I wasn’t sure what that was all about, and I wasn’t going to ask. I’d see him in the morning for breakfast and we’d hang out like we had the past few days. Nothing had really changed. Or had it? Well, something had happened between Frank and I. Hadn’t it? Gerard was never really interested in me. Was he? I felt so terribly confused all of a sudden. 

I was totally silent on the way home. Frank took my hand in his, squeezing it occasionally. I’d smile at him. It wasn’t his fault, but words escaped me. I felt like I’d done something wrong.

Back at the school Ray and Gerard separated from us and headed towards their dorms. Mikey, Frank, and I headed back to King House. We didn’t speak the whole way. At the elevator, Mikey went one way and Frank walked me to my door. I unlocked it and was about to slip inside when Frank grabbed my hand. “Sammie, wait.” I hesitated a second but turned to face him. “Yeah, Frank?” He gently cupped my face in his hands. “We don’t have to do this, you know. We can both walk away right now, forget this night ever happened.” His hands slid to my shoulders. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. We’d still be friends.” His thumb slid over the tender skin of my neck and I shivered.   
“I don’t want to walk away. I don’t want to forget.” I kissed him softly on the cheek.  
“Do you, Sammie?” He asked so softly I almost missed it.   
“I said I did.” I pulled away from him a bit. “Why do you doubt me?”   
“I’ve seen you two around school. You and Gerard. You two looked pretty cozy.”  
“That was...he was just being a good friend. There’s a lot I don’t know. Things you can’t learn in books and he was helping me but sometimes it just gets too overwhelming.”  
He nodded. “I can understand that.”  
He kissed my hand and left. I slid through the door and locked it behind me. My heart was racing. I felt like the heroine of a horror movie, shut in a room with a horde of zombies outside the door. Safe. But for how long?  
There was nothing left to do but go to bed and let sleep wash away the bad feelings churning in my stomach. I lay down in bed, but sleep refused to come. I tossed and turned. I dozed off and woke minutes later, terrified but not knowing why. Finally my alarm went off and I had an excuse to stop torturing myself. I dragged through getting ready, making myself late. I missed breakfast. I don’t know how I got through all my classes but I managed somehow. I guess a mind like mine keeps working no matter what. It wasn’t until last class when Mikey slid into the seat next to me that I realized how bad off I was.  
“What the fuck’s your problem, Sam?” he barked at me.  
“Huh? Problem?” I asked bleary eyed.   
“You look like shit. You missed breakfast. You skipped lunch. Do you even know what time it is?”   
Out of habit I looked up at the clock but it was incomprehensible to me. “We’ve all called your phone multiple times. You haven’t answered.”  
“I think I forgot it on the desk.” I mumbled. “Didn’t sleep last night.”   
“Nightmares?” It wasn’t Mikey that spoke. I was totally confused for a second. I turned around and saw Frank sitting behind me.  
“Yeah, horror movies do that to me.” I wasn’t sure why I was lying. I yawned and put my head on my desk. Too tired to keep it up any longer. Frank leaned forward in his seat and rubbed my back. The soft caress of his fingers quieted my brain and I remained in a stupor for the rest of class. The bell rang and I jumped in my seat.   
Slowly I stood, gathering my things. I was headed for the door when Mikey and Frank stepped in front of me.   
“Go back to the dorm and get some sleep.” He poked his finger into my shoulder. “I’ll be by in a few hours to wake you up so you can do your homework and get something to eat.” I wanted to object but couldn’t form the words. “Frank take your girlfriend to her room and tuck her in. She’s a walking zombie.” He saluted Mikey which made me giggle and Mikey scowl. “Just get some fucking sleep. I’ll be by to check on you.”   
Frank led me stumbling across the grounds and right to my door. “Dream sweet.” He whispered in my ear as he hugged me. He left me standing at the door.   
I went into the room and stared at the desk across from the door. I could get my homework done before taking my nap. I sat down at the desk and got to work. The pages blurred before my eyes but my hand, seemingly disconnected from my brain wrote furiously. I leaned back in my chair trying to remember what chapters we were supposed to read for our English assignment. Thinking was so hard. My eyes closed once. I snapped them open. I was so close to finishing. My eyes closed again. It was harder to open them this time. But I needed to finish. They closed a third time and stayed that way. The book slid from my fingers and landed softly on the carpeting. 

“Sam.” The voice sounded so far off. “Sam. Hey, Sam, wake up!”  
Wake up? But I wasn’t asleep. I was trying to remember...something. Something about school I think. Someone was shaking my shoulder. “Samara, WAKE UP.”   
Slowly I opened my eyes. “Yeah?”  
“Sam, it’s Gerard. Time to wake up now.”  
“Gerard? Not Mikey?”  
He laughed. “No not Mikey. He had too much school work. He sent me to make sure you ate and did your work.”  
“Did it already. ‘Cept English. Can’t remember what chapters I was supposed to read.” I yawned so hard I thought my jaw was going to dislocate.  
“You were supposed to go to sleep first.” He looked grumpy.   
“It didn’t take me long.” I yawned again. “I must have fallen asleep in the chair.”  
He grabbed my arms and tugged me into a standing position. My muscles objected and I fell heavily against him. “Sorry.” I murmured.   
“Don’t worry about it.” he led me to the couch and sat me down. Then he picked up my book off the floor and handed it to me. “Start reading, I’ll handle everything else.”   
I opened the book but couldn’t concentrate on the words. I could hear him moving around my room. He talked briefly on the phone. When I heard water splashing in the bathroom, I blushed and forced myself to concentrate on my book. I read the first three chapters before I heard a knock on the door. I started to stand to answer the door, but Gerard appeared and motioned me to sit down. I continued reading, absorbed in the book while he continued moving around the room doing things. It wasn’t until I got to the end of chapter six that it occurred to me to wonder just what he was doing. I stood slowly, muscles protesting every step. I put the book down on the desk and crossed the room. “Gerard?” I asked.  
He stood next to the bathtub in the bathroom. He jumped a little when I called to him.  
“You done?” he asked. I nodded. “Good. I left your MP3 player on the edge of the tub. Don’t fall asleep.” He left and closed the door behind him. The tub was full of steaming water. I undressed and slid in, gratefully. I popped my headphones in and picked up where I’d left off in my music exploration. The music and the hot water relaxed me completely, soon I was dozing again but I remembered Gerard’s warning and decided to get out of the tub before I fell asleep and drowned. I dried off and put on my favorite pajamas. My legs felt like jelly as I padded across the floor to the living room.   
“I think I’m just going to head to bed.” I said by way of greeting.  
“Not till you’ve eaten first.” He took my hand and led me to the couch. Laid out on the coffee table was more food than I usually ate in a day.  
“How’d you manage this?”  
“Second years and up can order room service. They want first years to socialize in the cafeteria, but since you’re with me, we get delivery.” he grinned.  
“What would I do without you?”  
“You’ve got Frank now. You don’t really need me.”  
I didn’t know what to say to that.  
“Look, I’m sorry, Sam. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it like it sounded.Let’s just eat so you can go to bed.”   
I nodded and sat down on the couch. “So what is all this?”   
“This is a feast fit for a king. All of my most favorite foods. To give you more of an idea of what you like and what you don’t.”  
“Thanks.” I reached over and squeezed his arm. He quickly but gently pulled away from me. I blushed. I must have done something wrong but I wasn’t sure what. I tried the first thing in front of me.   
“That’s pasta bolognese. My mom’s is the best, but this is pretty good too.” he said helping himself to some too.  
I took a bite. It was heaven.   
Gerard picked up the remote. “You mind?”   
“Go ahead. I don’t watch tv so whatever you want to put on is fine.” He flipped through the channels until he found what he wanted.   
“The Princess Bride. You’ll love it.”   
I watched the movie while tasting my way through Chicken Marsala, cheese fries, onion rings, fried chicken, nachos, and bacon wrapped meatloaf.   
“Why can’t he see that she was just doing the best that she could with what little she had?” I asked suddenly.  
“She betrayed him. How can you make it sound like she’s the victim?”   
“Are we watching the same movie? She thought he was dead. She was desolate, but she kept on living. She had to marry the prince.” I argued.  
“She should have known he’d come back to her. He promised he would.” he looked totally indignant now.  
“So, you’re saying that if you left, went wondering around the world, and I was told that you died, you’d be pissed if you came back and I’d moved on with my life?”   
“Of course. If I said I’d come back, I’d come back.”  
“You can’t control things like that Gerard.”  
“It’s a matter of mind over matter. He loved her so much he would have gone through anything to get back to her.”  
“Sometimes mind over matter isn’t enough. Things happen, things change. You can’t control them. Think about it, if you could change one thing in your life right now, what would it be?”  
Gerard paled. “You don’t have to tell me what it is, but there is something. Right?”   
He nodded. “If it was all a case of mind over matter, you would have, whatever it is that you want to change. Things would be going your way.”  
“Sam, that’s not quite how it works. Sometimes, sometimes you need to step back. Let things happen on their own. You can’t just go around forcing things. It’s not always about what I want or what you want it’s about what’s right. Westley and Buttercup, they were right. They both knew it back when she was still calling him Farm Boy. They were made for each other. She turned her back on that. She should have known in her heart that he was still alive, but she listened to her brain instead.” He sighed, and leaned back against the couch. I wasn’t exactly sure what we were really talking about anymore.   
“I don’t get it. You said sometimes we all have to step back and let things run their course. Of course she listened to her brain after a time. The heart is... inconsistent. It makes bad choices. She did what was logical. I don’t get why this is such an issue with you.” He took my hand in both of his.  
“I don’t think you can understand, Sam. You’re young and terribly inexperienced. But there are certain times when the heart knows best. The message is strong and clear if we’d just listen to it. Logic isn’t always the answer. Love is.”  
“Gerard?”  
“I’m just saying that when you find something precious you know it. Or at least you should.” He looked so sad, I wanted to hug him, but something stopped me. A part of me wondered how much of what he was saying had to do with the movie and how much had to do with Frank and I.  
If what Mikey had said was true, well I just didn’t know what to say to him. This was so far beyond my abilities, I almost felt like I was drowning.   
“So do you step back? Or do you go for it? How do you decide?” I asked.  
“It all depends on the situation, I guess.”  
“So what are you going to do?” I had to take the chance. I needed to ask even though my stomach was churning with anxiety.   
“I shouldn’t be here. I never should have come. I thought...” he drifted off.   
“You thought what?” I felt like crying though I wasn’t sure why. “You said you were my friend. You said it was the two of us against the world. Were those lies?”  
“No, Sam. I’d never lie to you like that. I’ll always be here for you in whatever way you want me to be but things are different now.”  
“Why, Gerard, why does it have to be different?” I needed to hear all that he was willing to tell me. It may have been asking too much but I craved answers.   
“Because,” he paused. He seemed to be deciding something. Then he sighed. “Because when we met, I felt an instant connection with you, I didn’t want to but I did, and then these past few weeks together, I fell in love, but you don’t feel that way. That’s very hard to deal with. You want me to be your friend, to watch you be happy with another guy when I want your for myself. I don’t know if I can do that. You don’t feel for me what I feel for you. It’s as simple as that.” He looked drained when he finished.  
“It’s not as simple as that, not even close.” I whispered.  
“Don’t, Sam.” he whispered. He pulled away from me and stood.   
“Don’t what?”  
“Don’t give me hope.”   
“All I can give you is the truth. If that gives you hope or not, I don’t control that.”   
He paced the rug in front of the coffee table.   
“You can walk out the door right now. I’ll give you that chance. You can walk away and decide on your own what you can handle of our relationship. Or you can sit down and listen to what I have to say. The choice is yours.”   
He paced a bit longer, obviously torn. Finally, slowly he sat back down.  
“I felt something that day too.” he looked shocked. “ I don’t know exactly what it was but it was something. It grew stronger the more time we spent together.” A faint smile appeared on his face. “But, with you, it’s like being on a awful roller coaster. I never know when you’re going to get mad at me for reasons I don’t understand. You make me feel so special and loved sometimes and others, you make me feel awful about everything. I can’t deal with that, not now, maybe not ever. With Frank it’s different. He makes me feel cared for and happy. That’s why I was up all night last night. I wasn’t having nightmares. I was so conflicted. I felt like I’d done something awful, to both of you.”  
Gerard nodded looking sad again. “What I want most is for you to be happy.”  
He stood up again and headed towards the door. “I have to go now, Sam, but I’ll see you at breakfast.”   
He left so quickly that I didn’t even have a chance to stand up from the couch. I leaned back against the cushions feeling completely confused. Were things better now? Had we reached an understanding? Had I made things worse?   
A soft knock on my door had me sprinting towards the door. I skidded to a halt, hand out stretched towards the knob. Should I answer it? Could I take another emotional bludgeoning tonight? I was beyond exhausted but I felt like I still owed him a chance to say whatever it was that he had to say. Slowly I opened the door. I was surprised to see Frank standing outside.   
“H-hey.” I stuttered.  
“I just came to see if you were feeling better.”  
“I am.” I forced myself to smile at him. In all of this Frank was blameless. He didn’t need to feel the way I did right now.   
“Mind if I come in?”   
“Sorry, of course come in. I was just watching a movie.”   
We sat down on the couch, both of us staring at the screen. Neither of us knowing what to say.   
“So, did Mikey come by and wake you up.”  
I froze for a second. Do I tell him the truth? Do I lie?  
“No. He had too much homework. He sent his brother.” I chewed on my lip, nervously waiting for his reaction.   
“So, Gerard was here.” It wasn’t a question really. But he seemed to want an answer.  
“Yeah. He left just before you got here. When you knocked, I thought he’d forgotten something and came back.”   
He frowned at me. “Sorry to disappoint.”   
I cupped his cheek, stroking the soft skin covered in the barest hint of adolescent peach fuzz.   
“Frankie, I’m not disappointed. I’m happy you came. Talking with Gerard was hard. I almost didn’t answer the door.”   
I took his hand and led him to the couch. We sat down and I cuddled against his side. We sat for a while with Frank stroking my hair and neither of us speaking.  
“Can I ask?” He looked down at me. “Can I ask what you guys talked about?”  
I looked up at him. “Do you really want to know?” He frowned but nodded. “Alright then. We were watching a movie, The Princess Bride. We started talking, I think about the movie but then it changed. It took me a while to understand that the real topic had shifted. He told me that he felt a connection to me the very first day he met me. That he thinks he loves me.”  
Frank shifted beside me. “What did you say to that?”  
I sat up needing to look him in the eye. “I told him that I felt something too but that you were what I wanted.”  
“You chose me?”  
“Of course I did. You make me happy. I don’t know-” He leaned forward and kissed me suddenly, silencing me.   
He pressed heavily against me, his mouth demanding against mine. A sudden jolt of fear and something else shot through my stomach and I gently pushed him away.  
“Sorry. I got carried away. I’m just so happy.” He grinned at me and chest went all warm  
“You seem surprised.”  
“I was worried. I’ve been watching you since my first day here. I was just so afraid to talk to you. Then when you sat next to me, it was like fate. But Gerard was always there, even when he wasn’t. I just didn’t think I had a chance.”  
“The most important thing I’ve learned is that anything can happen.”   
“You’re proof of that.” He pulled me against his side again. We spent the rest of the night together cuddled on the couch watching movies until we both fell asleep.

Our relationship blossomed after that night. Our group of friends became closer too once the tension waned between Frank, Gerard, and I. We were like a family. Gerard and Ray the older brothers always giving advice, nagging about school work, and being there when we needed to talk. Frank, Mikey and I were like the three musketeers, inseparable. They took me shopping, helped me pick out clothes, we went to the movies every week, we hung out in each other’s rooms. For my birthday, Ray gave me posters to hang on my walls. Mikey gave me a bunch of pictures of all of us, and after everyone else had left, he gave me a picture of Gerard and I. I don’t know when he’d taken it, you could only see our faces. That picture nearly broke my heart, even though it had been a long time since the night we’d watched The Princess Bride together and I’d stopped feeling fluttery around Gerard.What got to me was the look of love shining on our faces. Not just his but mine too. It became one of my most treasured possessions, I carried it with me everywhere, along with the locket Frankie had given me. Inside it was a picture of the two of us had taken in a photo booth. We were making funny faces at the camera and when I saw it, I thought , we look like best friends.   
It lasted one incredibly beautiful year. I wish it could have been longer, but the summer came and with it a dynamic change. Academy student’s don’t go home for the summer. Instead we go to camps run by the academy. It’s a place to really relax, but also a time to do some real work. I wish I’d spent the summer with my family instead.


	7. Try A Little Party Poison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little becomes a lot before you realize it, and then where will you be?

Frank, Mikey and I were sent to a summer camp on a picturesque little lake situated in the heart of the Arklay Mountains. The long and dangerous trip seemed to take seconds. We were all loaded into stasis units and put into a deep sleep. When we woke up, we’d arrived at the heavily guarded compound that looked from the outside to be a military installation, but from the inside it looked like a fancy resort.   
The first week was idyllic. We spent our days relaxing. Mikey and Frank taught me how to swim. They’d both been shocked when I stepped out of my room in a bikini the first day we were there. I’d made a last minute trip alone into town to get summer clothes. The sales girl assured me that I looked amazing and that this was the perfect bathing suit for me.   
“What?” I asked suddenly self conscious.   
“Nothing!” Mikey said, blushing, “Just not used to seeing you in so little clothing.”  
I felt my whole body blush.   
“You look amazing, Sammie” Frankie said grinning.   
“You two.” I said, shaking my head. “Let’s just go to the lake.”  
We had fun, those first few days, we stayed up late, slept in, told stories, hung out around a campfire at night. One night Frankie played his guitar for us.   
The changes were subtle at first. After our unwinding period was over, we went to work in the labs. I was assigned to a lab decoding the genome for a virus called the T-Virus. It was boring work, but I made a new friend there.   
She went by the implausible nickname of Anthrax. We hung out on lunch breaks and chatted in the lab. She offered to teach me how to put on makeup, something that the boys couldn’t teach me much about, and how to style my hair. She took me to the salon when I got my hair cut for the first time. Soon we were spending all of our time together. Frank was busy with a huge project and Mikey had met a girl that he became smitten with, it took them a while to notice that I’d slipped away from them.   
Anthrax was one of the party kids that Ray had warned me about, and I did the opposite of what he’d told me to do, I had way too much fun. The party kids were uninhibited, partying every night, drinking, experimenting with drugs, and I went along with them. I had a hell of a time until Frankie and Mikey suddenly had more time on their hands. Frankie’s project wrapped up and Mikey was no longer smitten. 

My phone rang, is heard it distantly through the haze of sleep and a hangover, or maybe I was still drunk from the night before, either was possible. I rolled over and onto Anthrax. She didn’t react. Just as I was drifting off to sleep again, my phone rang again. I slapped at the nightstand searching for my phone. I found it and pressed it to my ear.

“What?” I whispered groggily.   
“Oh my god, Sam, we were so worried. We went by your room but you weren’t there.” It was Mikey. What he said barely made sense to me and words were hard to come by at the moment. 

“Huh? Oh, I stayed with Anthrax last night. What, ummh, what did you want?” 

He sounded aggravated, “ To see you, dummy. I haven’t seen you in forever. Come swimming with us.”

The last thing I wanted to do was to get out of bed, especially not to head down to the lake and be surrounded by large groups of yelling and splashing kids. 

“I don’t think I feel up to it, Mikey.”

“Late night last night?” He asked jokingly.

“More like early morning.” I was starting to feel a bit better and a little guilty. My work had wrapped up a few days ago, and I’d spent the time since partying. The boys had been working all that time and it had been a few weeks, maybe, since I’d seen them. Time was hard to keep track of lately. “Give me an hour, and I’ll be there.” 

An hour later my phone rang, waking me again. This time it was Frank.   
“Sammie, you okay?” his voice was soft and I couldn’t tell if he was worried or hurt.   
“Sorry, I fell back to sleep. I’ll be right there.”   
There was no point in trying to wake Anthrax. She was still out cold. I grabbed a bottle off the nightstand before heading out the door. The best cure for a hangover, after all, is the hair of the dog that bit you.   
I drank about a quarter of the bottle on my way to the lake. I felt great by the time I got there. Mikey and Frank were sitting on a blanket talking animatedly about something. 

“Hey guys,” I said, plopping down between them. “Sorry I’m late.” I patted Mikey on the shoulder and leaned over to kiss Frank.   
He kissed me but pulled away quickly, his nose wrinkled in disgust. “You’ve been drinking.”   
It wasn’t a question.   
I shrugged. “Yeah, it’s my day off. So, you know, why not?”  
Mikey shrugged but Frank frowned. “We’re not supposed to be drinking.”  
I laughed at this. “Yeah, it’s against the rules, but think about it. This is a locked down compound. How do you think the booze gets in? They really don’t care.”   
I held out the bottle to Mikey. He shrugged and took it from me and took a long drink before offering to Frank. Frank hesitated but took it and drank.   
Honestly, I don’t remember much else from that day. At some point Anthrax showed up with pills or something...It’s all a blur of bared skin, some music and then nothing. 

I woke up in the morning to the sound of someone puking. My eyes were blurry and it took a moment to realize that I didn’t know where I was. I knew I hadn’t left the compound, obviously, that was impossible but I wasn’t in my room, nor was I in Anthrax’s. I turned my head to the side to check the clock and came face to face with Gerard. Not him in person, but a picture of him. I must be in Mikey’s room, I thought to myself. I reached out and knocked the picture to the floor. I don’t even know why I was reaching for it to begin with. Annoyed I closed my eyes and tried to will myself back to sleep. I was halfway there when a warm hand snaked across my bare torso.   
Slowly I turned my head to the side, almost afraid to see who was next to me in bed. I opened my eyes slowly to discover that it was Frank.   
His eyes fluttered open slowly. “Hey.”  
“Hey yourself”  
He yawned and snuggled against me, pulling me closer to him. When his hand brushed against my bare breast, he jumped back as though he’d been burned.   
“Sorry, I didn’t mean.” He blushed furiously.   
I shrugged. “ No big deal. I assume we did a lot more than that last night.”   
When he’d pulled me close, I’d come to the realization that I was completely naked under Mikey’s blanket. Frank flopped back against the mattress. “I don’t remember.”  
I shrugged again, “It’s not really a big deal.”  
Frank sat up, he looked furious. “Not a big deal?! Our first time together, and it’s not a big deal that neither of us can remember?! What is wrong with you lately?”  
“Jesus, Frank, nothing. I didn’t realize that you had such strong feelings about sex.”  
Whatever he was going to say was interrupted by more puking and someone moaning, ‘Kill me, please.’ from the bathroom.   
I yanked the sheet out from under the blanket and wrapped it around myself. 

In the bathroom, Mikey was sprawled on the tile floor, his head resting on the toilet seat. He threw up again just as I got to him.   
“Oh, Mikey, I’m sorry. Let me help you.” I got him a drink of water and rubbed his back as he threw up yet again. “I’ll help you, just hang in there.”  
I hurried out of the bathroom, kicking the sheet out of my way as I scurried across the room to the phone. I called room service and placed my order. When I hung up, I noticed that Frank was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed. He threw my clothes at me, “Get dressed.”   
He’d never spoken to me like that before. I’d never heard him talk to anyone like that. His voice usually so soft and full of laughter was harsh.   
Angered and determined to embarrass him, I dropped the sheet and stood definitely naked before him. He looked away. He looked sickly and ashamed and angry.   
“You can look now, boyscout.” I snapped when I was dressed.   
“You know what, Samara, fuck you.” He snarled at me. He bolted from the room and slammed the door on his way out. He’d never called me by my proper name before, it had always been Sam or Sammie. It stung a bit, but I refused to let it really bother me.   
Room service knocking gave me something to do. I opened the door and took the tray from the surprised looking employee, and quickly shut the door. I set it on the nightstand and went back into the bathroom.   
“Come on Mikey, let’s get you into bed. You need some medicine and some sleep.” He groaned, but tried to stand. I carried most of his weight across the room. When we reached the bed, I had no choice but to half drop, half shove him onto it. I grabbed the small wastepaper basket and put it on the floor next to his head just in case. I propped him up on his side and put a pillow behind him so he couldn’t roll onto his back while I made my hangover cure. I crushed up a few anti nausea pills into a small class and then dissolved them with a sports drink.   
“Hey, Mikey, you need to drink this for me.” I pressed the glass to his lips. He took a sip and grimace. “Drink up, you need to drink it all. You’ll feel better when you wake up, I promise.”   
He finished the drink and flopped back onto the bed, groaning. That’s when I saw the picture on the floor. I picked it up and set it back on the nightstand where it had been before. I stood there staring at Gerard’s face for several long seconds before I turned my back on him and went to leave.   
“NO, don’t go! Don’t leave me!” Mikey shouted out. He tried to get up, I rushed to the side of them bed and pressed him back down.   
“I won’t go anywhere. I promise, I’ll stay right here.”   
I laid down on the bed next to him, idly rubbing his back until he fell asleep. Gerard’s smiling face mocked me from inside its picture frame.   
I must have fallen asleep because when my phone rang, I jumped awake, dazed and disoriented.   
I answered without checking who was calling.   
“Hello?”  
“I’m very disappointed in you Sam. Very disappointed.” It was Gerard and he was very angry. The kind of angry where you can’t even yell. His voice was cold and hard as ice.   
“That doesn’t sound like a me problem. That sounds like a you problem.” I hissed.   
“How’s Mikey? Is he okay?” There was still no warmth in his voice.   
“He’s fine, he’s sleeping right now. He’s hungover but he’ll be fine in a few hours. I’m not stupid, I know what I’m doing.” I snapped.   
“Apparently, you’ve been very stupid, Sam, or should I call you Exstacy?”  
I gasped. How had he known about that nickname. The nickname only Anthrax and her friends called me. Mikey didn’t know it, and while I was certain Frank had called Gerard as soon as he’d left the room, there was no way he knew it either.   
“Call me what you want, but don’t you dare call me stupid.”   
“What am I supposed to call your behavior? You’ve spent the past few weeks getting wasted every chance you get and now you’ve dragged Mikey down along with you. I was willing to let it go. I’ve been getting reports since the beginning about your wild behavior. I let it slide, I figured you were just rebelling, but you’ve gone too far. I’m sending someone to watch Mikey until he wakes up, once they get there I want you to stay the hell away from my brother.”   
“Anything else, any other orders, sir?” I ground out from behind clenched teeth.   
“Just one last thing. You really hurt Frank, you know that. Don’t you?”  
He’d gone too far. “My relationship with Frank is none of your business!” I yelled into the phone.   
“He’s my friend too.” He said sounding sad.  
“Bullshit. If you had the chance it would have been you in bed with me this morning instead of him. You can’t call someone a friend while lusting after their girlfriend.” I wanted to throw something, to hit someone, to run away and fall to pieces. “Is that what this is about, Gerard?” His name sounded like the foulest of curses as it slid out of mouth. “Are you pissed that we were partying or that I fucked Frankie?”   
He didn’t bother to answer me. He hung up on me and I was left standing at the blank screen on my phone as tears of rage coursed down my cheeks. In a fit of rage, I threw my phone across the room, and felt a sense of victory as I heard it shatter against the wall.   
My whole body was shaking with anger when I heard the door open, and a guy I only vaguely knew stepped into the room. He was a tall, pudgy blond haired guy named Bob who hung out with Gerard sometimes. He stood next to the door, beefy arms crossed. He motioned with is head that I should leave. Suddenly, the fight was gone from me and defeated, I left.


	8. The Freedom of a Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the Wrong Choices Bring Us to the Right People

I’d like to say that things got better from here. They didn’t, no matter how hard I tried to pretend that they did. Mikey and I met each other all over the compound in secret trying to avoid Frank and Bob and whomever else might be reporting back to Gerard. We partied harder each night, and paid for it in the morning. We woke up in random rooms all across the compound, if we were lucky. A few times we woke up freezing cold and soaking wet on the banks of the lake, or under trees in the greens that made up the edges before the giant metal walls. 

At first it was a game, trick the older brother and have a good time. It continued after we returned to school. Sneaking out under the bleachers, getting completely wasted and playing kickball on the baseball diamond. Soon we were the highlight of every rager and pill party on campus and off. After one night of hardcore drinking and some hilariously bad karate moves, Mikey earned the name Karate Kid, which we shortened to simply Kid.   
We started skipping classes until the day came that we were called to the administrative building. Gerard and Ray were there looking angry. Mikey and I were placed on academic probation, and Gerard and Ray were given a dressing down for not keeping us in check. We had 30 days to get our acts straightened out, or we’d be kicked out of school.   
The four of us walked in silence. I felt utterly humiliated. Mikey looked like he might cry. Ray spoke first, “Mikey, you are not to go anywhere near Sam. Do you understand me? Any minute that you’re not in class, I want you in my room. You will catch up on all the work you’ve missed and you will walk the straight and narrow.” Mikey nodded but didn’t speak.  
“So, that’s how it goes? I’m the bad guy now?” I pouted.   
“Sam,” Gerard said, quietly, “You just do whatever the fuck you want. I give up.” The three of them walked away, leaving me behind.  
“Fine!” I shouted after them. “I don’t need you anyways. I never needed you.” But it sounded hollow, even to me. 

I started drinking alone in my room while I tried to catch up on my school work. I did pretty well. I felt like I could take on the world. My friends had betrayed me, but I was strong I could do this. I completed my work each night and drank myself to sleep. 

One night after our academic probation was up, Mikey knocked on my door. Reluctantly, I let him in. I was already half drunk and feeling morose.   
“I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t have a choice.” I hugged him and we spent the rest of the night drinking. In the morning we went to class hungover. 

During the day, Mikey wouldn’t talk to me. There always seemed to be one of the guys around. They stood like a fence between us. Frank wouldn’t look me in the eye, but the others glared at me like I was the villain, but at night, Mikey would come to my room or I’d sneak out to his. We’d drink and carry on. Until one night....

Mikey came to my room late, it was after midnight. I’d given up on waiting for him hours ago and had been drinking alone. A heady mix of sedatives and booze coursed through my veins. Mikey was eager to catch up. We were talking about something, drunken ramblings that would seem so deep as you spoke them but were gibberish, and the next thing I knew we were kissing. Mikey pulled away from me, smiling at first but a look of horror shuttered his face. He shoved me away. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”  
He never came to my room at night again. I was utterly alone.

I stopped partying. I don’t mean that I stopped drinking or the drugs. I just stopped going to parties. I stayed in my room whenever I wasn’t in class. The more I drank, the worse I felt. The worse I felt, the more I drank, the more drugs I took to chase away the pain. I went to class drunk. I’d sit in the cafeteria and see the guys eating lunch and fooling around. Their happiness was like a knife to the heart. I drank more. I ate less. I blacked out a lot. 

In the midst of one blackout I came too, standing on the edge of the roof of the tallest building on campus. How easy it would be to jump. To just end it all. I thought to myself. Horrified, I threw myself backward away from the edge I landed on my back in the gravel that covered the roof top. Bleary eyed and staggering, I walked across the campus. I stumbled up the stairs of one of the dorms, and tripped up the stairs. When I found the door I was after, I pounded on it, not caring whom I awoke. 

Gerard answered the door in his boxers and a t-shirt. He looked half asleep until he saw me. Anger clouded his features as soon as he saw who had awoken him. 

“Please, Gerard,”I sobbed. “I need help.” He shook his head and lead me into his room. I spent the night sobbing into his shoulder. He held me and let me cry as I told him that I just couldn’t do this anymore. I didn’t want to live anymore. I passed out at some point. I don’t remember what Gerard said to me that night, if he said anything at all. 

When I woke up the next morning, Gerard was sitting in the chair across from his couch. He was watching me.   
“I’m sorry.” I said, my voice still rough from sleep.   
He held up his hand to stop me. “Did you mean it when you said that you can’t live like this anymore?”  
I nodded.  
“Then I’ll help you.”   
“Thank you.”  
He shook his head. “Don’t thank me yet.” He got up and left the living room. He came back with one of his shirts and a pair of pajama pants. “First things first, go take a shower. you stink.”   
I used his shower and let the warm water wash away my tears along with the stink of booze and vomit and days of not bathing. I came out dressed in his clothes and there was food laid out on the table.   
“Eat.” was all he said.   
I ate in silence terrified that at any second, he’d kick me out of his room and turn his back on me again. I jumped when someone knocked on the door.   
Gerard answered it, holding it open wide so Mikey, Ray, and last of all Frank could enter the room. I shrank back against the couch cushions. Panic filled my mind. I drew my knees up to my chest. Mikey sat down next to me and I shrank away from him.  
“You were right, Gerard. She’s a mess.” Ray said. For the first time since we returned from summer break, he didn’t look angry. He looked sad. Anger I could have dealt with, but the pitying look he gave me was too much. I started to cry silently, trying not to let them see.   
“I don’t see why I’m here.” Frank spat out. Clearly he was still angry.   
“I told you. It’s all or nothing. We either all help her, or we send her to the infirmary and they send her home. Those are the only options. You know the rules Frank.”   
I looked up at Frank. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I really didn’t.”  
Mikey reached out and rubbed my back. I flinched like I expected him to hit me. Mikey looked up at Gerard in shock. “You said once Frank, that we’d always be friends. If you didn’t mean it, I understand. I’ll go home, if that’s what you want.”

Everyone in the room stared at Frank. The anger crumbled away from him. “I meant it, Sammie. I’m sorry.” I threw myself off the couch and hugged him. All I’d ever wanted was my friends back. I’d never meant to hurt any of them, I loved them. 

I was kept under constant watch. One of the guys was always with me. Gerard slept on my couch, or I slept in his room. Ray sat with me while I did my school work in the afternoons. Mikey and Frank followed me around all day to and from classes. The jovial nature of our previous relationship was gone. We obviously still cared about each other, but the joy we’d shared was gone. I wasn’t their friend anymore. I was their project, a misbehaving pet that needed constant correction and teaching. I grew quieter and quieter as the weeks stretched on. Being isolated in a group is worse than being alone. 

One night, when Gerard showed up at my room, as had become our habit. I told him that I thought I was ready to spend the night alone. He nodded and left. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned tormented by the demons of my own making. I called Ray at 2 am. He came over and listened to me as I talked. He didn’t say much. Ray had never been much of a talker. I told him finally that I wanted to go home.   
“I’ll handle it.” he said and he left. 

The next morning Gerard showed up. He seemed agitated. He paced the room and couldn’t seem to figure out what to do with his hands.   
“Ray says you want to go home.”  
I nodded.  
“Why, Sam? You’ve told me about your life there. Why would you want to go back?”   
“Because, I think it’ll be better for me.” I told him honestly.   
“How could it be? They don’t care about you, not like they should.”  
“That’s exactly why. They don’t care about me, and I don’t care about them. I can’t stand feeling like the odd man out. I thought we were all friends, but I guess I ruined that. I appreciate all the help, but I think home is best.”   
“But we do care, Sam, of course we do.”  
I shook my head.  
“No, you pity me and you walk around on eggshells all the time. I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t hang with Mikey because we’re not allowed to be alone together. I can’t go into town and watch a movie without one of you with me. It would be fine if I felt like you wanted to be there, but it feels more like a being escorted by a prison guard, than a night out with friends, and I see you guys having fun around me and I just can’t watch that anymore. I know it’s my own fault. I’ve fucked up, big time, I get that.”   
He held his hand up to stop me. “I’m so sorry, Sam. We never meant to make you feel that way. I’ll offer you a compromise. Give it two weeks. If things don’t change, I’ll pack your bags myself, and you can go home.”  
I nodded, “Two weeks.” 

 

Things did change, for the better. Gerard introduced us to the game, Magic and Mazes, a tabletop roleplaying game. We played two or three times a week. Gerard still spent a lot of nights with me, but it was usually because we were up late watching movies or talking. One day, no one showed up to walk me to class, and no one freaked out over it later. It was nice being trusted again.


	9. When the Temperature Drops, Things Heat Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long. Good things come to those who wait.

Summer came again and this year the five of us were all sent to the same compound. This time we were sent all the way to Antarctica. It was no where near as nice as the Arkley Mountains. It was cold in the labs and we were constantly confined inside. The work schedule was more demanding too.   
It was my job to decode the genomes of several more viruses with names like G,C, T-Veronica, and X. They weren’t particularly complicated, but they were worrisome. I wasn’t allowed to test the effects of the viruses, but the genetic sequences showed me that there were strong neurological effects associated with these viruses. I kept quiet about it. There was really no one I could tell anyways. We weren’t supposed to talk about our work, and I didn’t want to get any of the guys into trouble. I’d done enough of that last year. 

We made the best of our time in Antarctica. There was a rec center in the compound that was stocked with movies and games, and books. We took turns hosting entertainment nights. We’d play Magic and Mazes in Gerard’s room. Ray found the most amazing music for us to listen to in his. Mikey loved board games, he was always trying to get us to play a full game of Monopoly. Frank hosted a poker night. I had a movie night on Friday nights. 

One movie night, while I was scrolling through the list of movies, I accidentally scrolled too far and ended up in the middle of the Holiday Movies sections. I started to scroll back up and Frank stopped me. 

“Hold up a second. I just had the most brilliant idea ever!” He jumped up and pointed at the screen. “Let’s have Christmas in July!”   
I thought Frank had lost his mind, but the others seemed really excited. I shrugged. It had gotten really boring around here lately. There were only so many things to do and we’d done them all.   
“How does one have Christmas in July?” I asked. The idea seemed so silly to me.  
“You just do Christmas stuff, and say it’s Christmas in July.” Frank shrugged.   
“Okay, but what about presents? We can’t really go to the store here.” I reminded him.  
“We could make something.” Mikey suggested. “Or we could do something nice like, I don’t know, let them pick the movie next movie night or let them be the racecar next time we play Monopoly.”   
The guys were starting to get excited about this idea.   
“Okay, well if you’ve got it all worked out, let’s watch a movie then.” I said, scrolling through the titles once more.   
“No way! I have to go tell everyone. The world must know of my genius!” Frank bolted from the room and we could hear him shouting down the hall before the door shut behind him. Mikey stood up suddenly.   
“I just had the best idea for a present for Gerard. It’ll take some doing. I have to go.”  
“But we didn’t even decide on a date yet.” I called after him as he too left. “We haven’t, you know.” I said to Ray and Gerard who remained behind.   
“It gives us something to do. We’ve seen all the movies already.” Ray shrugged and he left too.  
“Men on a mission.” I said laughing. “You going to leave too?” I asked.  
He patted the couch next to him. “Nope, you’re stuck with me, and I get to pick the movie.” 

He scrolled through the list, and chose something before I could read the title. I settled in next to him to watch. Most nights, I spent the time watching Gerard out of the corner of my eye. I loved to watch the emotions play over his face as he experienced whichever movie or show we were watching. Tonight was different though, the show, an old sci-fi cult classic with space cowboys was enthralling.   
After the first episode, I turned to Gerard, “Binge?”  
He laughed at me. “You’re such a nerd. God, if the guys could see you now, you’re totally geeking out.”  
I hit him with one of the couch pillows. “You chose the show, what does that make you?”  
He smirked, “They already know, I’m a geek. I don’t keep it a secret like you do.”  
I leaned back against the couch. “Fine then, we can turn it off now, and you can go back to your room.”  
He looked surprised. “Hey, I didn’t say no. I just said you're a geek, no need to kick me out. Geez, just start the next episode already.”  
“I guess I could, maybe, let you watch one more tonight. Then you can wait until next week to watch more.” I leaned close to him and whispered in his ear. “We can pace ourselves, go nice and slow.” I made my voice sound breathy and sexy.  
Gerard squirmed and blushed. “ No-o,” his voice cracked a bit on the word no, he cleared his throat. “No, a marathon session sounds great.”   
“So, no more picking on me?” He shook his head. “Good. I think this calls for PJ’s and popcorn.” I hopped off the couch and ran to the bathroom to change. “Hey Gerard, if you look in the bottom drawer of my nightstand, you should have some pajama pants in there.” I called through the partially open door. I heard him go into my room and open the drawer.  
:”Don’t you think it’s weird that we have clothes and things in each others’ rooms?” He asked from the bedroom.  
“No, why? It that something that is weird?” We’d spent so much time together the past few months that it just made sense that they’d have clothes and toothbrushes in each other’s room.  
“It’s, I dunno, kind of couple-y.”   
I stepped out of the bathroom and said, “I guess I never thought of it like that. It makes sense though.”  
He came out of the bedroom wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and a gray t-shirt.   
“It makes sense? In what way?” He asked.  
“Well we spend more time together than most couples. I guess that’s just what happens when you get comfortable with each other.” I shrugged.   
“Comfortable?” He asked. I nodded. “ Well I guess that’s not the worst word that can be used to describe our relationship.”   
I shrugged and we settled in to watch the show.   
Four episodes in, I started to feel a tugging sensation in my thigh. I shifted position, moving my head from Gerard’s shoulder to his lap. I straightened out my leg and screamed in pain.   
“OW OW OW OW OW charlie horse! OW OW OW OW!”  
“Where” he asked, moving me gently so he could stand up.  
“My thigh, OH GOD IT HURTS.”  
“Just relax it’ll be better in a minute.” He pushed aside the blanket that covered my legs and began gently flexing my leg. The pain started to ease a bit.  
“That was a bad one. It stopped but it still hurts.” I whined.   
His hand moved up my leg, massaging my thigh muscle. His hands were soft but his touch was firm, kneading out the cramping muscle.   
“That feels amazing, Gerard.”   
“Better?” he asked. His voice sounded weird to me, soft and husky.   
I nodded, “Yeah it’s a lot better than before. Still kind of sore, but not bad.”  
He let go of my leg. “”Why don’t you go stretch out on your bed, we can watch on the screen in there.”   
I nodded and stood up carefully, gently testing my sore leg. It held despite the increased pain from putting weight on it, and I hobbled to the bedroom and stretched across my bed facing the screen built into the wall. Gerard came in moments later and knelt on the bed next to me. He grabbed the remote and started a new show, not the one we had been watching in the living room but an old favorite of ours about a dysfunctional family with a baby that spoke well above his age, but no one seemed to notice how well he spoke except for the family dog. We’d seen every episode.   
“What about the space cowboys?” I asked a little disappointed.   
“We’ll watch more in the morning. Lay on your stomach.” he said nudging me to turn over.   
I grabbed my pillow and propped myself up so I could see the screen. I was just getting interested in the episode when I felt Gerard’s fingers kneading my thigh again. It was heaven. I buried my face in the pillow to stifle a moan.   
“You like that?”   
I couldn’t speak, I just nodded.

He continued massaging the back of my thighs then moved on to my back. I lay there in a blissful stupor as his hands wandered over my back.   
His hands slid in a long arc from my shoulders to my hips. He slid my shirt up, a his hands snuck under, making contact with my bare skin. My breath froze in my chest as his hands slipped up my sides, gathering the material of my shirt with them. His fingertips worked their magic over my ribs and my body tensed in the most delicious way.   
“Sam,” he said quietly. “Take off your shirt.”   
I nodded and reached for the material gathered at my shoulders, and slipped it over my head. I tossed the shirt onto the floor next to the bed.   
His hands slid between my finger slid up my spine and gently into the hair at the nape of my neck.   
Gerard chuckled.  
“What?” I asked, my voice sounded breathless.   
“If I’d known it was that easy, I’d have asked sooner.”   
I turned my head to look at him.  
“Keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll do whatever you want.”   
“Jesus, Sam.” He moaned. He leaned down and placed a kiss between my shoulder blades. I gasped, as he continued to lay a trail of kisses up my neck and across my cheek. I turned my head and caught his mouth with mine. He hesitated for a moment before crushing his mouth with mine. I turned on to my back, giving myself better access to him. He pulled back from me and stared down at me.   
“God, you’re so beautiful.” He rained down kisses on my neck and shoulders, when he moved to my mouth again, my hands that had been clutching at his back pressed against his sides, urging him to move over me. He moaned against my lips as he settled full length against me. My hands caressed his back running in random circles until I found the hem of his t-shirt. I grasped it eagerly and pulled it up to his shoulders. He leaned back from me and tugged his shirt over his head. He looked down at me like he was trying to memorize every inch of me. He had a wild look in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to devour me, but was holding back. I rocked my hips against his.  
“Please, Gerard.” I gasped.   
He cupped my jaw in his hands and leaned close to whisper into my ear. “You sure, Sammie?”   
“Yes.” It was the only word in my head, and I was sure that it was the right one.   
A growl escaped him as he devoured my lips once again. I writhed under him as he explored me with his hands and his mouth. He left a trail of kisses from my mouth to my ear, down my neck and down the center of my chest all the way to my belly button that left my skin feeling like it was on fire. His hands danced down my ribs, and back up to cup my breasts.   
I grasped his arms, and pulled him back up to me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I kissed him, nipping at his lips. In my desperation, my fingers fumbled at the ties on his pajama pants, frustrating me. 

And then the sound of an alarm blared through the room. We both jumped, looking wildly around the room for the source. The words URGENT MESSAGE flashed across the screen on the wall. We scrambled apart. I couldn’t find my shirt, so I grabbed Gerard's and threw it over my head before hitting the button next to the screen. It changed quickly to the image of Mikey.  
He looked annoyed. “Hey guys, sorry to interrupt.”  
“You’re not.” We both said at the same time.  
“Right, well, Gerard, I need you. Can you come down to the rec hall right now? It’s important.”   
Gerard nodded, grabbed his clothes from earlier and left the room.   
“Do you need me too, Mikey?” My head was reeling but my voice was steady.   
“No. Just Gerard. By the way, you’re shirt is on inside out, and backwards.” He chuckled and cut off the video feed.   
I felt my cheeks burning, and I heard the door to my rooms open and close. Gerard was gone. I flopped back onto the mattress, embarrassed. What had just happened didn’t bother me. I wished Gerard hadn’t had to leave, but Mikey interrupting like that.... Now that was embarrassing. 

I woke up alone the next morning, tired and cranky. I’d spent the whole night tormented by dreams of Gerard and what had happened the night before. As I was trying to decide what I was going to do I got a text message from Gerard.  
Breakfast? That was all it said.   
Sure. I texted back  
I dressed quickly and headed down to the cafeteria.   
The guys were seated around the table. Ray and Mikey were talking animatedly. Frank was slouched in his chair looking miserable. Gerard looked up at me when I entered the room. He had that wolfish, better to eat you with my dear, look in his eyes. I wanted to drag him to my room and lock the door, but that would have to wait at least until I could think of a reason for us to leave.   
I sat down and everyone except Frankie greeted me.  
“You okay, Frankie?” I asked, concerned.   
“I’m fine.” he said, at the same time Ray said, “He’s hungover.”   
Everyone at the table seemed to tense. I shrugged.   
“Oh, well if you go to the infirmary, they can help you out. No need to suffer for suffering’s sake.”   
I caught Gerard’s eye, and nodded to Frankie, silently asking if this was the important thing he’d had to leave to take care of last night. He nodded once. It was hard not to resent the hell out of Frankie, but my anger cooled when I realized that I’d put others through the same things not too long ago.   
“So, Christmas in July has caught on like wildfire.” Mikey announced. “It’s going to become an official thing. There’s even going to be a Christmas tree, of sorts, in the rec room. The big event is two weeks from today” Talk at the table turned to all things Christmas. Frankie even joined in for a bit before he left to go to the infirmary. While we were taking the opportunity to discuss what get Frank, I was paged to the lab.   
Events transpired to keep us apart over the next two weeks. We were always either surrounded by our friends, or being called to our work stations. I spent long hours staring into a microscope or trying to work out trades to get presents for my friends. Each night I fell into an exhausted sleep and dreamt of Gerard.


	10. All I Want For Christmas is You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Just Want You For My Own, More Than You Could Ever Know.

I awoke that Saturday morning grumpy and out of sorts. That was how I’d woken most mornings lately. I’d been called to her lab at twice last night. I’d finally fallen asleep around four in the morning. My alarm went off at eight, dragging me from a very good dream. I grumped around my room accomplishing nothing and considered going back to bed. Instead I moped around my room some more, and tried to wrap the few presents I’d found for my friends. I’d managed to trade with someone to get a new set of guitar strings for Ray. I’d found a really cool comic book at the small store run by the school, I hoped he didn’t have it already. For Frank, I’d found a great picture of him and the other guys. They were sitting on the grass outside one of the school buildings. They all looked so happy. I don’t know what’s going on with him lately, he’d seemed sullen and withdrawn the few times I’d seen him lately, but I hoped that this would remind him of happier times, and help him feel better. Wrapping didn’t take long, but I was still stuck on a gift for Gerard. 

Nothing seemed right, but I had a feeling that even the biggest mall in all of Battery City wouldn’t have yielded the perfect present. I couldn’t even think of what I’d get him if I had unlimited choices.  
He was the most important person in my life. I’d realized that I loved him long ago. I worried that I wasn’t good enough for him. Those thoughts were what held me back from him. That night a few weeks ago when he’d mentioned us being coupley, I’d been so tense, just waiting for him to laugh at the idea, but he hadn’t. 

“HEY!”  
I nearly jumped out of my skin.  
“Holy Hell, Mikey! What the fuck?”  
“Ray! Sam, swore!”  
Ray shook his head. “Leave her alone, you just scared the hell out of her.”  
I was still annoyed at Mikey for startling me, “Don’t you ever knock?”  
Mikey shrugged, “No, not in a long time, hadn’t you noticed?”  
“No, I hadn’t, but could you start, please. I could have been changing or something.”  
Mikey laughed. “You always change in your room. I’ve literally walked in here when you were changing before. You really don’t pay attention much do you?”  
“I guess I don’t.”  
“Constant vigilance, Sam. Don’t you remember what I told you the first day we met?” Ray asked.  
I nodded, and he was right. With all that I’d learned in my time here, I knew he was right, but it still didn’t lead me to suspect my friends, or to remember to lock my door.  
“What, umh, what did you guys want?” I asked, to change the subject.  
“Oh, yeah, it’s time to head down to Gerard’s room. We’re going to open presents there before lunch.”  
“Already?!” I asked, surprised that time had gotten away from me so quickly.  
“Yeah, come on. You don’t want to be late, or I get all your candy.” 

I grabbed the gifts off of the table and we left the room together. Mikey hurried down the hall ahead of us, stopping to talk to people now and then.  
“Ray, there’s things going on.”  
Ray nodded.  
“Really bad things. Things that it might be dangerous to know. I know a lot, Ray.”  
Ray put his arm over my shoulders and spoke softly. “Stop frowning, smile.”  
I did as he told me to.  
“Good, Sam. Just keep smiling like there’s nothing going on. Whatever you know, don’t tell anyone. Keep it to yourself. I’ll get someone to help you when we get home.”  
“That’s great, Ray. Thank you.” I said, a bit louder than I meant.  
Ray rolled his eyes at me. “Smooth, Sam”

I was saved from answering by our arrival at Gerard’s room. The door was open and People came and went. Gerard sat on the couch in the middle of the room, talking to Frank and two girls that I didn’t know. 

I sat down in the chair to their right, feeling very uncomfortable with the strangers in the room. 

“Time for presents!” Mikey yelled.

The girls took that as a sign to leave. “Bye Gee, bye Frankie, see you guys in the lab.” They left the room quickly leave behind the a whiff of perfume.

Mikey jumped on the couch next to Gerard and Ray took the chair across from me. 

“Presents, present, presents, presents.” Mikey chanted until Frank leaned over Gerard and hit him with a pillow.  
“Chill. I say someone else gets the first preset.” Franks said laughing. 

“Here, Sam.” Ray said, sliding a small package across the coffee table between us. “You get the first present.” 

“No fair!” Mikey shouted.  
“Too bad,” I said grabbing the gift off of the table. I tore off the newspaper covering it, and paused to toss my present to Ray over to him. “Ray, you get second!” 

Inside my package was a small stack of CDs. Each labeled in black sharpie. The top on said, running mix.  
“Thanks, Ray. I can’t wait to listen to them.”  
“You’re welcome,”he said, “Thanks for the guitar strings.”

More presents were exchanged, I didn’t pay too much attention, but I did notice a few things.One was that Gerard opened one of his presents and quickly slipped it into his pocket. I didn’t say anything and I don’t think anyone else noticed. Another thing I noticed was that my present to Frank made him smile. The first real smile I’d seen in weeks. The last was that Frank didn’t give anything to either Gerard or I. 

Once we were done with presents we all went down to lunch. The cafeteria looked nice. Someone had made paper chains out of green and red paper. In the corner of the room a ficus sat decorated with paper chains and a string of twinkle lights.  
The room was loud as people chatted and sang Christmas carols. We talked and ate, Frank and Mikey told bad jokes that made us either laugh or groan. Gerard took my hand under the table and held it gently in his. Ray was in the middle of telling us a funny story about one of his summers in South America when Gerard leaned over and whispered into my ear, “Come to my room after lunch?” I nodded. He squeezed my hand under the table. 

The two girls that I saw talking to Frank and Gerard showed up with two boys that I didn’t know at all. The others started talking to the newcomers and Gerard leaned over, “Let’s get out of here” he whispered. We slipped away from the group and were headed down the hallway.  
We were standing outside of Gerard’s door, just about to go inside when we heard a voice call out to us.  
“Gerard, Sam, wait!” It was Frank. He walked quickly towards us. “I wanted to give you guys your present.”

He held out a white envelope towards Gerard. “Open it later.” He said before sprinting back down the hallway towards the party. 

“Do you know what’s up with him?” I asked. “He’s been acting so weird lately.”  
Gerard nodded. “Yeah, we’ve talked a few times.”  
“So, what’s going on?”  
“Why don’t we open our present first?” He handed me the envelope and I tore it open impatiently. Inside was a print out of mistletoe, carefully cut out. On the back in Frank’s mess handwriting was the word Enjoy.  
I showed it to Gerard. “I don’t get it.”  
He took it from me and smiled. “I do. It’s his blessing.”  
“I think I’m even more confused.”  
He smiled at me and laughed. “Frank’s problem lately is us.”  
“Us? What did we do?”  
“We spend so much time together and the others have noticed that things have changed between us.”  
I shrugged.  
“Well, he was hoping that you two would get back together.”  
I was shocked, “He never said anything.”  
“He spent a long time being angry with you and then with himself.”  
I nodded. It was much easier to forgive others than it was to forgive yourself.  
“I still don’t understand exactly what the present means.”  
“Traditionally, two people standing under mistletoe are supposed to kiss.”  
I understood, his gift meant no hard feelings, go for it.  
Gerard dangled the paper mistletoe over my head playfully and I wrapped my arms around his neck and planted a smacking kiss on his cheek.  
“Not good enough” He said. He pressed my body against the doorframe and planted a smouldering kiss on me. I pulled away, gasping for breath.  
“I’m in love with you,” He murmur softly, brushing his lips against mine. “God help you and me both, but I am so damned in love with you.”  
“I love you too.” I whispered.  
He crushed me to him again, kissing me passionately. “I’m not going to lie to you, Sam, I want you too.” I could feel him pressing against my thigh and I knew exactly what he meant.  
Something deep inside me bloomed making me bold. I eased my hands down his belly to his bulging erection and cupped him through his jeans. "I want all of you this time Gerard," I whispered in a voice she nearly didn't recognize as her own. "Everything you've got to give me.”  
He groaned and pressed harder against me. “You’ll be the death of me, Sammie.”  
I laughed, “Yeah, but what a way to go.”  
He reached around me tapped the keypad next to the door, locking it. “Come with me.” He took my hand and lead me towards his bedroom. “If you’re sure.”  
“I’m sure, Gerard, very sure.”  
He squeezed my hand, and tugged me into through the door. His room looked different, it was clean for once, and there were candles on the nightstand. He took something out of his jacket pocket.  
“I borrowed this from you earlier.” I recognized one of the CDs Ray had given me. I couldn’t read the label, but I didn’t need to. Gerard slipped it into the media slot next to the screen across from his bed and the music started. The first track was an instrumental, soft, hopeful but distinctly sexy.  
His back was turned to me, but I saw him take something from his pocket and slide it under the pillow, he turned to me. “I really do love you, Sammie. I have for a long time.”  
“I know. I think I’ve always known, but it seemed like too much to hope for.”

He closed the gap between us, his hands gently cupped my cheeks, his thumbs stroking across my cheekbones. “Even at our worst I loved you.”  
I hugged him tightly and his hands slipped from my face to tangle in my hair. He kissed me so sweetly just then that I thought I’d die from the joy of it. I pressed myself against him, deepening our kiss and it developed a carnal edge. I whimpered softly against his lips as his hands slid down my back and his hand slide under my shirt.  
My hands moved of their own accord, as if I were a puppet on strings, I may as well have been, I was beyond rational thought. They slipped under his jacket and pushed it off of his shoulders, pulling his hands from me as it fell to the floor.  
With a low groan, he reached out and grasped the hem of my shirt, lifting it quickly up and over my head as I raised my arms to help him get it off. I found myself getting impatient, I reached out and tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor.  
He pulled me close and began nibbling on my neck. My fingers fumbled with the button on his jeans before freeing it. Gerard kicked off his shoes while I slid the zipper of his jeans down. He kicked them off and stood before me in only his boxer shorts.  
He was magnificent. I could have stared at him for hours, but he pulled me close kissing me hungrily. His hands were much more dexterous as he undid my pants. I kicked them off along with my shoes and immediately found myself back in his arms. 

“I wanted to go slow” He said between kisses. “I wanted to take my time.”  
I moaned as he kissed down my neck. “I don’t think there’s time for that, not this time.”  
His fingers quickly worked the clasp on my bra and he slid it down my arms.  
“You are so beautiful.” He bent his head to capture the tip of one breast in his mouth.  
I gasped. His hand slipped between my thighs and he stroked me with just the thin fabric of my panties separating his skin from mine.  
“Gerard, I need you.” I moaned. I hooked my thumbs into the elastic at the top of my panties and shimmied them down to the floor, kicking them aside without a care. I scrambled up onto his bed and tugged him onto me.  
He leaned down and kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose, and gently brushed his lips against mine.  
I reached down his back and playfully snapped the elastic on his boxers. “These are in my way.” Kneeling he worked the boxers down his thighs, when he leaded to get them past his knees, I reached out and stroked him, marveling in the silky feel of him in my hand. He moaned and pushed my hand away. He reached under the pillow and pulled out a small foil packet.  
Instantly I was relieved, I hadn’t even thought of condoms. I’d thought only of being with him. His hands shook as he tore the package open.  
“Nervous?” I asked.  
“You have no idea.” He mumbled. He slid the condom on, and attacked my neck again. Nibbling down to my breasts, teasing me. My eyes closed as he sucked hard on first one breast and then the other.

“Open your eyes, Sam, look at me.” I open my eyes and look up at him. “You are mine," he whispered, as he slowly slid into me, "Mine."

I gasped as he filled me, my whole body arching towards him. “Always, yours.”  
The urgency that pulled us so quickly to this moment slid away and our lovemaking was unhurried at first, but a tightness began to build in my body, coiling tightly. My hips urged him to go faster everything around me seemed to contract to a single pinpoint that suddenly exploded in a shower of sparks and stars. I cried out, calling his name. My name was on his lips in a guttural growl as his thrusts became erratic and finally, shuddering, he collapsed against me, and panting we held each other until the racing of our hearts slowed to normal pace.


	11. Disaster Strikes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it.

We made love twice more that night and finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning. It felt so right to fall asleep with Gerard snuggled up behind me, his arm draped over my stomach. I slept better that night than I had in months. 

I was almost awake. Just kind of floating in that space between waking and dreaming when I heard a voice suddenly yell, “Holy Shit!” My eyes opened as I turned my head towards the sound, making the room blur as I sat up and clutched the blanket to my chest. It took a moment for my eyes to focus on the doorway and the person who stood there.   
“Sorry, I guess I should have knocked.” It was Mikey.   
“The door was locked for a reason.” Gerard said. “Go away, Mikey. We’ll see you at breakfast.”  
“But, it’s nearly lunchtime, that’s why I’m here. I wondered why you guys weren’t at breakfast.”   
“You’re still talking, you’re supposed to be leaving.”   
Mikey seemed to suddenly remember that he was in an uncomfortable situation.   
“Right, so sorry.” He left quickly. 

I flopped back against the pillows. “Mikey has a big mouth. They’ll all know.”

He lifted his head off the pillow and propped it up against his arm. “Are you ashamed of what we did last night?”  
I was shocked. “No of course not. I just think some things should be private, you know. In time they’d have assumed we were sleeping together, but now they’ll know and that just kind of makes me uncomfortable.”   
He nodded. “Good, because I want this moment, right now, this day, my feelings for you, the way you look right now. When I look at you, I just want this to last forever.” 

 

In the weeks that followed, we spent each night in the same bed, but even Gerard’s arms around me couldn’t protect us from the news we were about to receive. 

We were awoken one morning to the blaring of alarms. We sat up stunned just as the screen in our room flickered on, the words Emergency Transmission, flashing in bold red letters across the screen. I clutched Gerard’s hand in mine. We’d never had a transmission like this before. 

A well dressed man appeared on the screen, looking grim. His voice had a no nonsense quality to it that was both reassuring and terrifying. 

“Reports have just been verified that the United States has experienced a cataclysmic event.” 

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. 

“While we do not know the cause, we do know that most of the citizens of the United State have been lost. Only Battery City has remained untouched. We suspect that Better Living Industries has released some kind of chemical or biological agent in the last few days that has caused conditions incompatible with life. As stragglers continue to trickle in, the tales grow more grim.”

I hugged Gerard and buried my face in his neck. “All those people.” 

The man continued, “ All Umbrella employees and Academy students in all locations around the globe will prepare for immediate transportation back to Battery City.” 

The screen went blank. I wanted to just lay back and cry, but the screen came on again.

“Samara, report to the lab.” It was my supervisor. The screen clicked off again.

“I have to go.” I said, my voice choked with unshed tears.  
“Me too,” Gerard said softly. “Ray’s family lives in New Jersey. He’ll need me.”

I got ready quickly, in a rush to get whatever they wanted done so I could pack and find my friends. When I stepped out into the hall, two armed guards were waiting there. They fell into step beside me as I walked down the hall.

“Can I help you?” I asked.   
“We’ve been assigned to protect you, Ms Winters.” One of the guards answered.   
People moved aside for us as we rushed down the halls.  
“Protect me? From what?” I asked, incredulous.   
“Umbrella has ordered all of its most sensitive assets to be placed under armed guard. It’s just protocol, I assure you, nothing to worry about.”  
His reassurance did the opposite. I didn’t like being considered a sensitive asset. The last thing I wanted was for Umbrella to know how much I knew. 

I worked in the lab for a long time. As the hours passed, I became more and more anxious. I began to worry that they were going to keep me there. When the transport boarding announcements began, I demanded to be allowed to talk to Gerard. The guards refused at first.   
“We can’t let you do that, Ms Winter.”   
“My friends need to know that I’m okay. They’ll worry. Knowing them, they might cause a problem. You wouldn’t want that, would you? I mean a simple text message, is all I need.”  
He thought about it for a moment. Then slowly nodded.   
I’m okay.   
That’s all he would let me send. I hoped it would be enough.   
I worked for several hours after the last transport departed. My work grew sloppy and I was sure I made several mistakes. I didn’t like not knowing what was going on. 

I was just about to demand that I be told what was going to happen when the door to the lab opened and in came a man with slicked back blond hair. He stood tall and was obviously very much in charge. I studied him carefully, noting the weapon at his side and that he wore sunglasses.   
The guards next to me snapped to attention. “Mr Wesker, sir.”   
“At ease men.” The man’s voice was as cold as ice. My supervisor scuttled over towards the man called Wesker.   
“Welcome, Mr Wesker. Welcome.”   
Wesker nodded. “You done here yet?”  
“Almost, almost. Just a few more minutes, and all will be complete. While we wait, why don’t I introduce you to Ms Winters. She the wunderkind that has made this project so successful.”   
Wesker looked at me through his dark lenses and I shivered involuntarily. Whoever he was, whatever his purpose, I didn’t like him. Not one bit. 

“I don’t have time for pleasantries.” He sneered. 

The computer behind me beeped. The program had finished running the data. I tapped a few keys, saving the results and read through the report quickly.   
“You done, girl?” Wesker asked. He sounded impatient.   
“Yes, sir. I saved the file and there’s really nothing more to do. Whatever the report says is, you know what it says.” I shrugged.   
“And what did it say?”   
I shrugged. “Dunno. I didn’t read it. Reading reports isn’t what I’m here for. If they don’t like what it says, they’ll send it back to me and I’ll make it do what they want.” I wanted to sound silly and frivolous. Wesker studied me, but without being able to see his eyes, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. 

Another guard stepped through the sliding doors and into the lab. “Mr. Wesker, sir. The final transport is loaded just waiting on your final orders, sir.”

“Get the staff into long transport pods, and send a crew to pack up this lab.” He reached out and ejected the hard drive from my computer. “ This is coming with me.” 

My guards lead me out of the room. Walking through the deserted halls made me anxious. We were almost at the main cargo bay when the alarms sounded. A computer generated voice came over the loudspeakers, “Containment breach. Level seven.” The message repeated. I didn’t realize that I’d frozen in place until one of my guards nudged me hard in the shoulder with the butt of their gun.   
“Move.” He shouted.   
We sprinted through the remaining corridors to the cargo bay. The doors opened automatically just before we would have run right into them. That’s when we heard the sounds of gunshots behind us. My feet skidded across the metal floor.   
In front of us was a huge cargo carrier, a sort of airplane/helicopter hybrid. The loading ramp was left open and the crew inside urged us to run.   
I tripped my way up the ramp and stumbled into the ship. My guards didn’t follow me onto the plane. 

“Go! Go! Go!” They yelled to the crew inside. The sound of the engines were deafening and the plane lurched under my feet as they began their vertical takeoff. One of the air crew grabbed my arms, steadying me, and lead me to one of the long transport pods. I lay down inside, thankful for the oblivion that I knew would follow. The crewman closed the lid and the last thing I heard was the hissing of the life support kicking on.


	12. You Just Do What You Can, No Matter the Price

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.

There was a sound, a pop and a hiss like a soda can being cracked open. My eyes fluttered open but the world refused to come into focus. I struggled hard against the sudden vertigo that washed over me. Cool hands touched my forehead.   
“Just relax. Don’t fight. We’re here to help.” The world went black. 

I don’t know how much time passed, but soon I awoke to the beeping of machines. I opened my eyes more slowly this time. The room came into focus slowly. Stark white walls, a hospital bed, white curtains draw tightly around the bed. I tried to move my hands but my body felt drugged and stupid. I closed my eyes but willed myself to stay awake. I needed to think.  
Voices from the other side of the curtain.   
“The BSAA tried to shoot them down over South America. Her transport pod was badly damaged. The crew did what they could, but they had to focus on keeping the plane in the air. I’m sorry, Mr. Way. I don’t know what to tell you. She’ll either wake up or she won’t. Her EEG looked good considering, but we really can’t judge what the low oxygen levels did to her brain.”   
It was too much work to stay awake. 

That beeping was so annoying. That was the first thing I thought. I need a drink, was the second thing. I turned my head to the side.   
“Water?” I croaked out through cracked lips.   
“Sam? Sam, did you say something?”  
“Water.” I forced my eyes open and I saw at first just the blurry outline of a man with longish bushy hair. “Ray. You’re here. Sorry about your family.”   
Ray didn’t answer me, he sprinted from the room yelling for both the doctor and Gerard.   
I fought hard against the waves of darkness that threatened to swallow me up. I fought as hard as I could, but I lost the battle and darkness overtook me once more. 

When my eyes opened again, it was for the first time like waking from a normal sleep. I felt sore and tired like I’d slept too much. A nurse was at my side this time, but her back was turned to me.   
“Where am I?” My voice was barely above a whisper but the nurse jumped as if a gunshot had sounded in the room. She turned to me, and I noticed the white and red Umbrella logo on the label of her uniform. 

“You’re in the hospital dear.” she said kindly. “Let me just get the doctor. He can explain more.”   
She left the room quickly, hurrying on silent feet. That logo on her uniform bothered me. Something about it....I knew the name of the company and that they owned the school I went to, but what was it that filled me with so much dread?  
In a flash my brain became working quickly. Images, mostly of reports and the armed guards who had escorted me. I suddenly remembered everything. I also recognized that this was my chance to be free and more importantly to protect my friends. 

When the doctor came in, flanked by both Frank and Gerard, I smiled politely at them all. I didn’t acknowledge my friends any more than I did the staff that followed.   
“Well, young lady, you gave us all quick a scare. Welcome back.” He picked up the chart from the end of my bed. “Can you tell me your name?” 

I stared blankly towards the corner of the room, as if I were trying hard to remember.   
“No, sorry.” I said shaking my head. Gerard gasped, and Frank grabbed his shoulder as if to hold him back. “That seems like something I should know though. Why can’t I remember?” I tried to sound panicky. 

“Just take it easy. These things happen. You were deprived of oxygen for a long time.” He made notes in my chart.   
“But, I’ll remember, won’t I?” I sounded like I was about to cry. It wasn’t an act. The look of shock and dismay on Gerard’s face made me want to scream and throw myself at him, beg him to forgive me for lying.   
“Just relax, you’ll remember it just takes time. Why don’t you have a nice visit with your friends and we’ll check back in the morning and see how you’re doing.” He patted my hand and left the room, nurse in tow. 

The boys seemed too stunned to move. “So, you two are my friends?” I asked tentatively. Frank stepped forward first, ushering Gerard into the chair next to my bed.   
“That’s right. We’ve been friends for a long time. We’ve been very worried about you.” I had to stop myself from laughing. He sounded like he was talking to a particularly dumb child. “We’ve been by your side since the moment they told us that you were here.” 

“Sorry, I worried you. I don’t know what happened.” This was true. I only had a few foggy memories of people talking about what had happened to me. “So, ummh what do I call you?”   
I felt my heart tear in half when I asked that. I knew it had to be hard for them to hear.   
“I’m Frank, and this is Gerard. You other friends Ray and Mikey are in the waiting room.”   
I nodded. “I’d like to meet them.” I didn’t know what else to say. It was so hard not to grab them both and hug them tightly.   
“They’ll come by later. Are you feeling okay? I mean besides not being able to remember.”   
I nodded. “Just tired, but I don’t want to sleep. You know? I feel like that’s all I’ve done lately.”   
He nodded. Things got very awkward. None of us knew what to say. I didn’t know what I could say that wouldn’t make this harder on them.   
Frank reached out and grabbed my hand. He held it gently in his.   
“It’ll be okay, I promise.” I squeezed his hand, but had to turn my head away from him. I cried silently.   
“Give us a minute, Frank.”   
It seemed like it had been forever since I’d last heard Gerard’s voice. It was both soothing and heartbreaking. He took my hand in his.   
“Look at me, Sam.” I wanted to turn to him, but protecting them was more important.  
I felt the bed sink as he sat next to me. He let go of my hand and took my face in his hands, turning it gently so I was looking at him. “I know you don’t remember this, but I once told you it was us against the world. I meant it then and I mean it now.” He brushed a tear off my cheek.   
“And if I never remember?”   
“Then we go on from here. You don’t remember now, but I love you. If you can’t remember that, then I’ll try my hardest to show you what it was that made you fall in love with me.”   
“I think I see it already.” I whispered through my tears. 

I was put through a battery of tests before they’d let me leave. An MRI, another EEG, as well as psychological, and intelligence testing. All the test came back normal. The official diagnosis they gave was Complete Focal Retrograde Amnesia brought on by psychological trauma and prolonged exposure to an extremely low oxygen environment. They sent me back to school. 

I didn’t have to pretend to be surprised by what I found there. In the months since we’d left for our summer in Antarctica, Better Living Industries had changed the whole culture of the area. What used to just another city, better than most in a lot ways, was now an abomination. Drugs of all kinds were available from vending machines, as were laser blasters. The city had been flooded with refugees. The population had doubled, at least. Makeshift shelters and abandoned vehicles lined the streets. Food was scarce, clean water even more difficult to find, except at The Umbrella Academy. 

The school remained mostly unchanged. We lost about fifty students in The Disaster. Most students had lost someone, family members, friends from the town where they grew up, or friends from school. Black armbands were so common on campus that the few of us who hadn’t lost anyone were seen as an aberration.   
My family never tried to contact me. I only knew they were still alive because the hospital had called them, they had no interest in my condition. 

I waited a few days before actively responding when they used my name. Every once in a while, I’d ignore a teacher when they called on me to reinforce my ‘amnesia’. I smiled and nodded when people talked about things we’d done together, and laughed at jokes that had grown old long ago. 

Ray was really struggling. He’d lost his whole family. When his grades started slipping, I began stealing his homework at dinner time and slipping it into his backpack at breakfast. He had to have noticed, but we never talked about it.   
One night I found him sitting on the bleachers near the running track. He just sat there, staring blankly off into space. I sat beside him. I had no words of comfort, but I wanted him to know that I was there if he wanted to talk. Ray had never really been much of a talker even before The Disaster. 

“It just hurts, you know?” I nodded. I didn’t really know his pain, but I knew what it was like for pain to eat you up inside.   
“You once told me that music was the place to get lost in. It would heal my pain and sooth my soul. Why don’t you make some music, Ray? I know you have it in you to make something amazing, and maybe it’ll help.”   
He looked at me shocked. “You remember that, Sam?”  
I hugged him so I could whisper into his ear. “Ray, I remember everything, and I need help.”   
He hugged me tightly and whispered. “I’ll do what I can, Sam.”   
“Make the music, Ray. Let it out, everyone needs it right now.” I said after we hugged. 

That night was a turning point, not only for Ray and myself but for the other guys too. Ray did just what I suggested. He went to his room that night and started playing, he even roughed out a few songs. Gerard offered to help. We’d always known that he was a good writer, but we also discovered that he could sing too. They formed a band, and they were amazing. They called themselves My Chemical Romance, Mikey thought that up. They started playing in dive bars around Battery City. I went to every show. 

At one show a man came up behind me. “Keep facing forward. Don’t react.”   
I tensed, but tried to do what he said. Friend or foe, doing what I was told was my best bet.   
“Ray sent me. He said you needed help.”  
“How do I know that I can trust you?”  
“You can’t, but you can know that Ray trusts me. He said to tell you that, when you woke up from your coma, you told him you were sorry about his family.”  
Ray and I had never discussed me waking up in the hospital when he was at my bedside. I nodded. “Good. Meet me at the Elm street Crash House, tonight after the show. Come alone.”   
He was gone as quickly as he appeared. The band finished their set, and I went to meet them backstage.   
“You guys were amazing!” I said, hugging Gerard. To be honest, I was scared. I’d never roamed Battery City at night and certainly not since the city had changed. I hugged Frank and then Mikey. When I hugged Ray, I took the chance to tell him what had happened. “Your friend found me tonight. I have to go to Elm street, cover for me.”   
“They’re Killjoys.” He whispered back.  
The guys were ravenous after the show. Ray suggest a pizza place just two blocks from where I had to go. I snuck away while the guys were eating and talking about the show. 

I hurried down streets, thankful and terrified that the street was unlit. Elm street was known for being in the bad part of town even before The Disaster. Very few people were on the streets, and none paid attention to me. I spotted the building I was looking for halfway down the street. Next to the front door was a bit of graffiti, just a spider with a lightning bolt, it told me that I was in the right place.   
I’d heard of the Killjoys of course. Officially they were a gang of miscreants responsible for causing trouble all around Battery City.   
Unofficially, if one were to listen closely to the hushed murmurs that made up the background noise of every gathering of teenagers, they were a band of heroes determined to free Battery City and the world of Better Living Industries, whom they referred to as BLind. If Ray trusted them, I had to too. I couldn’t endanger my friends any longer. 

I slipped through the door and entered a dimly lit room. The electricity to most homes had been cut off before I’d even arrived back in the United States, so I wasn’t surprised by this. What did surprise me was how clean it was. There were mattresses scattered all over the floors, but they were neatly arranged. Trash cans stood in each of the four corners of the room, and while a few were full, none overflowed.   
Some mattresses were occupied by sleeping people, others by people talking quietly to others nearby. It looked more like a slumber party than a crash house. 

A man, tall and broad shouldered, with long brown hair and a beard stood up from the only chair in the room. He motioned me to follow him through a door in the back. I was surprised when he opened the door and bright light spilled from it. He held the door until I stepped through then shut it gently behind me. He sat down on a long red couch that had seen better days. Across from the couch was a long scarred wooden desk. Seated at the desk was a man. At least I think it was a man. He was dressed mostly in white, except for a blue motorcycle helmet on his head a black roller skates on his feet. 

“My assistant, Show Pony.” He long haired man said.  
“And you are?” I asked nervously.  
“I’m Doctor Death Defying. I know who you are, but we don’t use our real names around here.”  
I thought for a moment. I’d only ever had a few nicknames. “Call me Lady X.” I said.   
“Well Lady X, what can I do to help you?” he asked, sitting back and resting on booted foot on his knee.   
“I find myself in the position of,” I hesitated, “ Knowing too much. I realized it a few months ago. I’ve take a few steps to throw Umbrella off, but it won’t last. I know you mainly work against BLind, but I’m hoping you can help me anyways. My friends need to be protected.”  
“Two things you need to know, X, one is we help anyone who asks for it, as long as they’re not an outright enemy. The second thing you need to know is, BLind and Umbrella are the same thing.”  
The shock must have shown on my face, because he laughed before continuing.   
“Years ago, after the Helium Wars, you don’t know about them do you? You grew up here in Battery City?”  
I nodded.  
“Well, you wouldn’t then, but anyways it’s not important. Umbrella got into a lot of trouble with the government. They were ordered to basically strip their company down to bare bones operations. They appeared to, they formed the school here. But behind closed doors, they simply shunted their operations from one company to another. As time passed, they became two different branches of the same company. Umbrella started out with their B.O.W’s and viruses, while BLind worked on making drugs and weapons and other ways to control the population. They’re two fingers of the same hand, X.”  
“I’ve worked in two of their outside labs, one in the Arkley Mountains and one in Antarctica.”  
Doctor D whistled. “Not good, X. You work in the labs with their viruses?”   
I nodded. “I even perfected a few that they found flawed. I didn’t really know what I was doing.”  
“Of course you didn’t. That’s why they have the school. They’re looked for the greatest minds in the country, young minds so they could exploit them. The old dude, Spencer, had this crazy idea that the ultimate mind could be created by mixing the DNA of a genius with someone artistically creative.”  
“I’ve read something along those lines in the handouts they give us at the beginning of each school year.”  
“How many years you got left there?”   
“Two.” I answered. “This year and one more after that.”  
“Your friends that you want to protect, how much longer do they have?”  
“For our mutual friend, and my boyfriend. This is their last year. The other two have the same as I do.”   
“They wrapped up in the same shit you are?”  
I shook my head, “No, they’ve all switched from science to arts. A few of them worked with me, but on much lesser projects. I don’t think they’re in danger from what they know.”  
“You’re the danger to them.”  
I nodded. My throat was too tight to speak.  
“I’ll do what I can to help, but you’re the one that’s going to have to convince them.”   
“Whatever it takes. I don’t care what happens to me in the end, they’re what matters.”  
“I don’t plan to make you a martyr, X. I plan to make you a weapon.”   
Of all the things I’d ever thought I’d be, a weapon was never one of them.  
“You said you’ve taken steps to protect your friends? What have you done?”  
“Besides pretending to have amnesia, I have copies of every project I’ve ever worked on for Umbrella. Complete data, not just the bits I worked on, but full plans, reports, schematics, testing results. I have more information in my possession than any single Umbrella computer has ever contained.”  
He looked impressed. “How did you manage that?”  
I shrugged. “I have my ways.”   
“Good. So, who knows that you don't’ actually have amnesia?”   
“You, Show Pony, and our mutual friend.”  
“Jet Star knows?”  
I shrugged. “If that’s what he’s called here, then yes. Jet Star is like my big brother. I slipped up while talking to him, and he’d already offered to get me help before my accident.”  
“What happened in the accident?”   
“I’m not really sure. We were all being sent home, in response to The Disaster. I was ordered to my lab, escorted by armed guards. The guards, I’m pretty sure they’re dead, but they told me that I was considered a valuable asset to Umbrella. I was ordered to complete a genome project and run a test simulation on the effects it would have on human test subjects. Just before I was finished a man named Albert Wesker showed up and demanded the results of my tests.” I shuddered just thinking about him. “He took the hard drive from my computer as soon as the tests were finished. I was escorted by my guards to the transportation bays. Before we got there, there was some kind of containment breech. The guard rushed me on to the transport, but they stayed behind to defend us. They bundled me into the transport pod. I don’t remember anything until they opened the pod in Battery City. My memories are sketchy for a while, but I remember a doctor telling G-my boyfriend that the BSA had tried to shoot down my transport and my pod was damaged in the attack.”  
He nodded. “The BSA was a branch of the government who were sent out to take down the B.O.W’s Umbrella made. They were close to taking the whole corporation down when The Disaster happened. Most of them were wiped out.”  
“You keep using that term. B.O.W’s. What does it mean?”  
“Bio Organic Weapons, in short they’re monsters. Horrific creatures mutated by the viruses Umbrella is so fond of producing. That’s why they put students in the transport pods. It keeps them safe, and unconscious so they can load up their transport vehicles with B.O.Ws while they transport their next generation of scientists to and from wherever they decide they need them.”   
“I’d wondered why, but I learned not to ask questions.”  
“Smart girl, but we already knew that.”

He stood up and walked to the desk where Show Pony was seated. He tapped the man on the shoulder and without looking up Show Pony handed him a file. Doctor D handed the file to me. “This is our most comprehensive file on B.O.W’s.”

I looked through it quickly. “I saw the test projections on the viruses that caused these. They were considered failures.” I handed the files back to him. “The ones you really need to look out for are the ones they considered a success.” 

“You provide us with the information you have already and anything you might come across, and I’ll see what I can do about getting your friends out of the country. Japan should be nice and safe.” 

He tapped Show Pony on the shoulder again. Show Pony took the file and threw it into a drawer, then handed Doctor D something I couldn't’ quite see. 

“Take this.” He dropped a small radio into my lap. “It’s set to WKIL 109 FMX. You can change it to any station, but if you hit this button,” He pointed to a small blue button on the side of the radio. “Or if an emergency transmission is sent out, it’ll tune automatically to WKIL. All of our messages are in code. Learn the lingo and learn it quickly. Every transmission is important.”   
I nodded.   
“Welcome to the Killjoys, Lady X.”


	13. It's a Dog, Eat Dog World, Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change.

I handed off all the information to Doctor D the next weekend. I felt bad sneaking off in the middle of they guys’ show, but my routine was well known. I wish I’d thought to start taking random trips around town before I became involved with the Killjoys but it was too late for that now. Doctor D advised me to further conceal my identity when I traveled to see him.   
Somethings were getting harder and harder to come by lately. Simple things that we’d always taken for granted; batteries, computer parts, radios, hair dye, makeup, birth control, cigarettes, alcohol, canned food, chocolate, first aid spray, and paper. A black market in these items of course sprang up, so did counterfeits. The counterfeits proved to be dangerous even deadly at times, and very few people could afford the prices demanded by the black market.   
It took some doing, and most of the money I’d saved to assemble my secret identity. The black cargo pants and a black knit tank top were easy to get. The silver/gray hair extensions were much harder. Show Pony managed to find the silver lace up boots I wanted, I asked him how but Show Pony didn’t answer not that I expected him to, I’d never heard him speak. Two silver vinyl belts with makeshift holsters were surprisingly easy to find. I found a neoprene half mask painted to look like the lower half of a skull on the floor after one of the guys’ shows, a silver paint marker was all it took to make it perfect. By far the hardest item to procure was the black eyeliner. What used to cost about a dollar now cost well over 100. Taking such a large amount out of my account at once would have drawn suspicion. I had to slowly withdraw the money in keeping with my usual spending habits, 10 to 20 dollars at a time. Even after I had the money, waiting for a zonerunner to actually find what I wanted took time.   
After a particularly nasty encounter with a Ritalin Rat, I started carrying a laser blaster. The streets were getting more and more dangerous every day. It wasn’t just the Ritalin Rats either, but the streets would suddenly fill with Pigs. More and more people took to concealing their identities when out on the streets. It was too dangerous between the Pigs and the flies to walk around even in broad daylight, even if your task was totally legal or mundane. 

While assembling my costume, I continued to gather what information I could from Umbrella’s computers. Umbrella was quite pleased that while I had ‘no memory’ my intellect was not all affected by ‘my condition’. They wasted no time in putting me back to work under the guise of work study on top of my usual classes.   
I siphoned information from the computers and stored them on a micro drive that Doctor D would periodically empty for me before sending me out to get even more information. 

The guys’ band was doing well. They were playing better venues in Battery City. Soon word spread that a foreign talent scout was watching them. Sneaking out of their shows was becoming more and more difficult for me. They were playing further and further away from the Killjoy Sympathizers that I relied on to hold my gear for me. I couldn’t be seen suddenly carrying a backpack when I hadn’t before. The trips were taking me away for longer and longer periods of time. Ray covered for me when he could, but I knew Gerard or Mikey was bound to notice at some point. 

My relationship with Gerard was weird to say the least. About halfway through the school year, I’d told him that I loved him. I’d never seen him happier, but he continued to walk on eggshells around me. We’d hang out and watch movies like always but he’d leave as soon as the others did. No more sharing a bed, no more love making, no more waking up in his arms in the morning. I couldn’t tell him that I noticed a change. I wasn’t supposed to be able to remember the past, but it bothered me. 

One night Franks and I were sitting on the bleachers, enjoying the warm spring night. Just talking and wasting time before we went to bed.   
“Hey Frank, can I ask you something? A personal type something?”  
“Sure, Sammie, what’s on your mind?”  
“Well, you know that I don’t remember anything that happened before I woke up in the hospital.”  
“Yeah.” He seemed to tense suddenly.   
“Can you tell me what Gerard and I were like, before that?”  
Frank sighed and leaned back against the riser behind us. “Jesus, Sammie, I’m probably the worst person to ask.”   
I realised my faux pas. I’d been so wrapped up in Gerard, and the Killjoys that it had literally slipped my mind that Frank and I had dated, but it was too late now. All I had wanted to know was if Gerard seemed different to him too.   
“Why? I mean, You said I’ve known you since our first year here, you had to have been around.” Oh how I hated myself for doing this to him.   
“Because,” He paused. “I know you don’t remember, and we’ve all kind of decided not to talk about the bad times, but.” He stopped and ran his hands nervously through his hair. “Listen, Sam, we dated. You and I.”  
“I’m sorry, Frank. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”   
“No, you deserve to know.” He took my hand in his. “It was great, until it wasn’t. It turned into a really bad time for both of us, and it was all my fault. I messed up. I got jealous and I ruined everything. I wanted to tell you that I was sorry for a long time, but I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

What the hell was he talking about? That’s what happened at all.   
“I’m sure it wasn’t all your fault, Frank. That’s not how relationships work. It takes two, you know. I must have done something too.” 

“There’s something you don’t know. This is so hard to tell you.”

“Really, you don’t have to. Whatever it is, I’m sure I’d have forgiven you.”

He shook his head. “No, I need to tell you, if you’ll listen.”  
I nodded. If he needed to tell me his version of what happened, I’d listen. I knew that what had gone on between us was all my fault. 

“So, I said that we had dated.” I couldn’t tell if he lost his train of thought or if he was hesitating. “We were together most of our first year here and part of our summer break. We were sent to the Arklay Mountains. It was nice at first. We taught you how to swim. We’d hang out during the day and at night we’d sit around the fire pits and play music or tell stories. It was just the three of us, you, me and Mikey. Then they expected us to work during the day. We were assigned to different labs and we spent less and less time together. You started hanging out with the party kids. I knew it, in a vague kind of way, but it didn’t bother me much. I’d hung out with them a few times before the summer. Anyways, Mikey found this chick he liked. We grew apart, all of us. I didn’t really think it was a big deal.”

He paused again, my hand still in his. He sat there for a moment, staring at the back of my hand as if the rest of his tale was written on it. 

“Anyways, we were drinking one night, the three of us. I don’t remember how it came about, but by the end of the night Mikey was trashed. We decided to stay in his room. You were nearly as wasted as he was by the time we climbed into bed. At first all three of us were in Mikey’s bed but he decided that laying on the bathroom floor would make the room stop spinning.” 

He looked up at me with pleading eyes. “This is where it gets embarrassing. We were snuggling in his bed. I can still remember what it felt like to hold you in my arms.” he sighed then and it torn at my heart. I really wished I’d thought harder before asking him. “ We were kissing, making out, you know that kind of thing. My memory is a bit blurry. I was pretty drunk that night. The next thing I knew, we were both naked. I remember thinking, Finally we get to the sex! Immature I know.”

I could feel the heat my cheeks gave off as I blushed. I really didn’t remember any of this, but I shrugged.  
“You were 16, none of us were very mature then.”

“It gets worse.” He looked away from me. “We were fooling around and you called me Gerard. I realize now that you were so drunk that you didn’t really know what was going on. You passed out soon after that. If I hadn’t been so drunk, I never would have touched you like that. I fell asleep but I was pretty hurt. When we first woke up, I really didn’t remember the night before. I was shocked by your careless attitude towards sex, but I would have handled it much better if I hadn’t remembered you calling me ...his name the night before. I was mean and you didn’t deserve it. I kept thinking that you’d have remembered what had happened, that it would have been special to you if I had been him. I called Gerard after I left. I told him everything and I let him think that we’d slept together. I knew it would hurt him and that he was innocent in all of this but I did it anyways.”

I wanted to be mad at him. I tried to be angry, but it seemed so long ago and so unimportant when you considered all that had happened since. 

“I forgive you Frank. You were hurt and you lashed out. We all do that sometimes.” 

He shook his head sadly. “No, after that you and Mikey really got out of control. You two were almost kicked out of school, and then Mikey wasn’t allowed to be around you. You went into a downward spiral. We used to sit across from you in the lunch room or in classes and I could see that you were hurting. It made me happy. I wanted you to feel like I’d felt that night. After a while the anger turned into bitterness and hating you became a habit. I don’t think I was even really mad anymore, it just became normal.” He pushed away from me, sliding further down the seat. “And then one morning, Gerard called. I was with Mikey. He told us that you were with him. I mocked him for taking you back, I called him pussy whipped.”  
I cringed. I’d always hate that particular phrase.  
“I know, I was terrible. He ignored me. He told us that you’d showed up at his room the night before completely wasted and suicidal. He was really worried about you. Mikey asked where you were and when he said you were in the shower, I said that it hadn’t taken him long to get you naked. He got really serious then. I could tell that I’d gone too far. He called me a cold hearted bastard. He reminded me that despite how angry I was, as far as he could see all you’d done was gotten drunk and had sex with me, and he didn’t really see why that was something to be a complete douche about. Before that comment, he’d always respected my feelings even if he didn’t understand them. Then he said we were either all on board to help you or he’d have to turn you over to the administration and they’d send you home.” 

He slid closer to me and grabbed my shoulders tightly. “I went there intending to bail on you. You have to understand, Sammie. I had been so hurt. I wanted you to go home. I saw you sitting on the couch, Gerard’s clothes nearly swallowing you up. You looked so small and so frail. I started to feel bad, but I reminded myself how much you had hurt me. Then you flinched away from Mikey like he might hurt you, and I cracked. You and Mikey always had such a special bond. You two were like twins. To see you react like that, I just couldn’t keep it up. When you reminded me that I’d said we’d always be friends, I realized that I was the bad guy.”

I couldn’t speak. It hurt to know that he’d actually hated me. 

“I thought we were good friends. I didn’t realize you’d ever hated me.” I whispered. 

“I didn’t, not really. I hated me. I hated the jealousy that was eating me up inside, but I didn’t want to admit that it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t really do anything.” He sighed in frustration. “I’m explaining this poorly. I never really hated you. I hated me, the monster that I’d become, but I took it out on you. The others, they didn’t notice what was happening to you. I did. I should have said something to them.”  
I nodded, I was still so shocked by all of this.  
“Just stick with me, okay? After that morning, when I was forced to really think about how I felt, I realized that I still loved you.”  
“You did?” I squeaked out.  
He laughed. “I did. I kept waiting for the right moment to tell you, but it never worked out. At first we were never alone. It was always you, me, and Mikey. Then after it was always you and Gerard. I figured if I just waited long enough, my moment would come, but I was wrong. Long after things were back to normal it was always you and him. Anyways, that’s not important now.” 

“I appreciate you telling me, Frank. I really do forgive you.”

He hugged me tightly. “Thank you. I know I don’t deserve it.”

“Of course you do, Frank. You’ve been a great friend since the accident. I don’t think any of us would have made it through without you.” I meant it to. For days it was Frank that made everyone laugh, who reassured me and our friends that I’d be fine. 

“That’s the problem you know.” He brushed a strand of hair off of my cheek. “Between you and Gerard, I mean. He was so scared when we found out that you’d been hurt. We really thought that we were going to lose you. He’s still afraid. Life's too short as is and your accident, it really hit him hard. He’s still terrified that he’ll wake up one morning and you’ll be gone.” 

I laughed, “I’m not going anywhere. not by choice anyways.”

“That’s the point, Sam. You don’t always get a choice.” he said seriously.

“You’re right, Frank, but we can make the most of the time we do have. My father wasted the time we could have had together, I’m not going to do the same thing.”

I was rushing down the bleachers to find Gerard when Frank called out to me. “Samara Winters, I...”

I started to turn back to him, but he said, “Nevermind, I’ll talk to you later.”  
I waved goodbye to him and grabbed my phone to text Gerard.

I paced my room. Gerard should be here any minute now. He said he was just across the campus when I texted him. I was so nervous. I wanted this to go well. I needed him to understand that while our time may be short, we needed to make the most of it.   
He looked nervous when he arrived.   
“Relax, I just want to talk to you.”  
“I know. That’s why I’m so nervous.” He fidgeted a lot. Putting his hands in his pockets and taking them back out again.   
I patted the seat next to me on the couch “Come sit down. You’re making me nervous.”   
He sat down reluctantly. He looked like he was about to jump up and bolt from the room.   
“Listen, I’ve been talking with the Frank. I thought something was off about our relationship. I talked to him about the past and he confirmed what I thought. Why are things so weird between us?”

“What do you mean weird?” He was looking down at his shoes. 

“Weird as in we never spend any time alone. Ever. We don’t go on dates, or hang out, anything like that. Frank said that we used to sleep in each other’s rooms every night before we even started dating, and now we don’t even go to the movies with out a few tag alongs. So, I’m asking you, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Gerard, listen to me, if you don’t want to be together, that’s okay. You can just tell me. I’ll understand.”

His head snapped up suddenly. “That’s not what I want at all.” 

“Then what do you want? I really want to know.” 

“You. All I want is you.” He was looking at me now. He didn’t look nervous anymore. He looked sad. 

“But, I’m right here, Gerard.” 

“But for how long?” he asked.

“For forever, Gerard. For as long as I have left.”

Gerard shook his head sadly. “I almost lost you once. I don’t know if I can deal with that again.”

“There’s no guarantees in life. I can’t promise that I’ll be around for another 50 years. I can’t promise that I won’t die tomorrow, and neither can you.” 

“I know.”

“But, Gerard, I can promise to make the most of the time that we do have together.”

“I’m just so scared. It’s like I’m stuck in the moment I saw you in that hospital bed. You looked so small and frail. When we’re alone it’s worse. It’s like we’re here, but in my mind, we’re still in that hospital room.” 

I took his hands in mine. “If you don’t choose to step out of that room, you’ll be trapped there forever. You know that don’t you?”

He nodded, “ But I just don’t know how.”

“You live in the moment, Gerard, and you go to bed each night thankful for each second we had together.”

He pulled me to him, suddenly yanking me onto his lap, and crushing me to him. “I’ve missed you so much, Sammie.”

I kissed his forehead. “I’ve been here the whole time, just waiting for you to see me.”

He held me so tightly that it started to get uncomfortable. “I do need to breathe.”

He nuzzled against my neck and loosened his grip on me. “Nope, I’m not letting you go. You’re stuck here forever.”   
“Okay.” I rested my head on his and revelled in the feel of his arms around me. It had been so long, and I had missed him so much.   
The shift from emotional reconnection to sexually charged was subtle at first. The gentle kisses on my neck and shoulders became little nips. Gentle hands that caressed my back soon tantalized my breasts. I shifted my position so that I was straddling him and the real frenzy began.   
Consumed by the need to join our bodies clothing was hastily shoved aside. His hands gripped my hips tightly as I slowly slid down onto to him. The sex was frenzied. Quiet gasps and murmurs became uninhibited moans.

Afterwards, I leaned against him feeling wonderfully exhausted.   
“I love you, Sammie.”   
“I love you too, Gerard.” He placed a gentle kiss on my collar bone. “Stay with me tonight. I can’t bear to watch you leave.”  
He nodded. “I don’t think I could leave even if you wanted me to.”   
“Good.” I stood up and grabbed his hand, tugging him along with me. “We could both use a shower.” We spent the night talking and making love. We finally fell asleep as the sun was rising. 

The ringing of a phone pulled me from a deep sleep. I fumbled for my phone on the nightstand.   
“Hello?”  
“Sam?”  
“Yeah. What?”  
“It’s Mikey. I meant to call Gerard.”  
I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it for a moment.   
“You did. He’s asleep. What do you want?”  
“I was just wondering where he was. I got worried when I didn’t see him all day, but I guess he’s with you, so no worries.”  
“All day? What time is it?”  
“It’s almost 2, Sam.”  
“Oh. We were up late last night.”  
“Enough said, Sam. Eww.”  
“Grow up, Mikey. We were talking and stuff.”  
“It’s the and stuff that I don’t want to know about.”  
“Goodbye, Mikey.” I hung up the phone let it fall onto the bed. 

“What did Mikey want?” Gerard’s sleepy voice asked from behind me.  
“He was worried because he hadn’t seen you. We’ve slept nearly all day.” He draped his arm over my side and pulled me against him.   
“Don’t care. I could stay like this forever.” He buried his face in my hair. “You smell good.”  
I laughed. “No I smell like sex and sweat.”  
“Mmmhmm” he answered as he began nibbling at my ear.  
“Oh, no, lover boy. I need a shower and something to eat.” I said scrambling out of bed and bolting towards the bathroom.  
The hot water relaxed my sore muscles. Soon I was singing while I shampooed my hair. In that moment everything was right with the world and I could forget all of my problems and the danger we were all in. Feeling much refreshed, I stepped out of that bathroom wrapped in a towel and humming happily to myself. I stopped short when I saw Gerard.   
He was sitting on the edge of my bed, talking on the phone. He was frowning and his usually pale skin was flushed.   
“Yes, Mom. I remember. Do we really have to talk about this?” The red in his face intensified. “Jesus, Mom, I’m 19 years old. I know all of that already.”   
He ran his hands through his hair, clearly agitate. “Yes, Mom. Love you too. Bye.” He dropped his phone back down on the bed.

“Everything okay?” I asked tentatively.   
“I may have to kill my brother, but yeah everything is fine.” He said. He flopped back onto the bed.   
“I’m confused. You were talking to your mom. What does that have to do with Mikey?”  
“He’s an idiot.”   
“Still confused.”   
Gerard groaned. “Mikey was looking for me because our mom called him earlier. She asked where I was and he didn’t know. Of course she got worried because she’d called my phone earlier and I didn’t hear it ring. After you talked to him, he called her back to tell her where I was.”  
“Oh.”   
“I never told her that I had a girlfriend.She interrogated me while you were in the shower. She was pretty upset that I hadn’t told her about you.”  
I nodded. I was slightly upset that he hadn’t told her about our relationship and didn’t know what to say.   
“That would have been fine, except that Mikey told her I’d spent the night here. She decided that I needed, The Talk.”  
“The Talk?” I asked confused.  
“You never had The Talk? You know? About sex.”  
“No. When I was 9 or 10 my parents gave me a book that covered all that stuff. We never actually talked about it.”  
“You have no idea how lucky you are. It was embarrassing enough but then.” He shook his head.   
“What? Seriously, what could she have said to make it worse?”   
“I’m not sure you really want to know.” he said. He suddenly became very interested in the view outside my window.   
“Oh, come on, just tell me.”  
“Before we hung up, she reminded me that she’s too young to be a grandmother.”  
“Oh.” I did some quick math in my head. “Well I wouldn’t worry about that. It’s not a good time for...”I paused trying to find the right words. “that kind of thing.”   
“I mean, I agree with her. We’re not ready for a baby just yet. Someday though, we’ll have a few kids.”  
“We will?” I squeaked.   
I sat down on heavily on the edge of the bed in shock.   
“Well, yeah. Don’t you want kids someday?” He asked me looking puzzled.  
“I guess I never thought of it. I don’t think I’d know how to be a mother. I have nothing to reference.”  
“You’ll be a great mom, Sammie. You’re always taking care of us all. Besides after we’re married, you can spend time with my mom. She’ll teach you anything you could possibly want to know.” He was grinning at me with his eyes sparkling.   
“Wait a sec. We’re getting married? When did that happen?”  
His face fell. “You don’t want to marry me?”  
“I didn’t say that. This is just all very sudden. It’s like I went to take a shower and you planned our whole lives. I haven’t even thought of what I want to do when I’m done with school.”  
He drew me into his arms. “It doesn’t matter to me, Sammie, as long as we’re together. You can be a doctor or a scientist or you can stay home and raise our kids. Whatever you want.”   
It sounded perfect. Going home after work to our little house, a few kids, family dinners, Gerard and I talking in bed after the kids were asleep. I admit that I was wrapped up in the fantasy he’d woven for us. If I hadn’t been I’d have thought harder before I answered his next question.  
“Marry me, Sam. Say you’ll spend the rest of your life with me.”  
“Yes,Gerard. I will.”


End file.
